Regression Obsession: Rainbow Brite

Posted at 4:00 PM Aug 27, 2008

By Sharon Steel

Like many renowned '80s classics, the major plot points of the Rainbow Brite cartoon are quite frightening now that we're old enough to actually comprehend them. As the story goes, little orphan Wisp is taken by some "unknown force" to a Colorless World, where she meets her white horse Starlite, a little munchkin sprite called Twink, and seven kids named after the colors of the rainbow. Things would be lovely and sparkly and rainbow-y all the time if not for a group of animated villains, namely the Dark Princess and a terrifying being known as Murky Dismal. They both like to mess things up for all the Color Kids and cause La Brite major grief. According to Rainbow Brites' wiki, Murky turned evil because as a child:

"He colored on the walls with crayons, markers, paints, rollers, and finally an industrial airbrush. His mother made him wash off 'every bit of color, if it takes all day, if it takes the rest of your life,' leading Murky to his hatred of color as an adult."

Hella horrifying! Why did moms think this was fam-friendly but old-skool MTV wasn't? Um, moving on. At least the original dolls are still insanely cute. Can't say the same for the new-fangled version -- if it doesn't work for Strawberry Shortcake, what on earth made someone think it would it work for Rainbow?

Top 10 '80s Movie Moments We Once Loved But Now See in a Different, and More Disturbing, Light

Posted at 5:00 AM Jul 28, 2008

By Jennifer Mathieu

When you're young, dumb, and you've used so much Aqua Net that your neurons aren't firing normally, it's easy to fall for movie tricks that make things seem one way but when you really think about it years later, they are really another way. It's happened with a lot of '80s movies, so here's a collection of the Top 10 '80s Movie Moments we see differently now that we’ve aged a little bit (just a little bit), in no particular order.

The Breakfast Club: Allison's Transformation

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Could Ally Sheedy's basket case character Allison have been any cooler, what with her dandruff art and her parents who ignored her and her goth wardrobe? I currently love to hate how this classic teen film had to involve an MTV-style makeover of Allison into a Claire Standish, Jr. And only after Molly Ringwald's Claire has completely done her up does Emilio Estevez decide to plant a big wet one on Miss Allison. Whatever! When I was 13, I thought it was sweet. Now, I see it as just another example of how teenagerhood really crushes individuality of any kind. It might have been cooler to see Molly get all punked out, now that I think about it.

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Say Anything: Diane and Lloyd Get Back Together

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OK, so remember the scene where Diane (Ione Skye) shows up at Lloyd's (John Cusak) kickboxing studio and she asks him back even though she'd completely broken his heart and given him a pen? At first watching, the 16-year-old heart in me found that totally sweet and believable. Only now, I get the feeling Diane was just a lost, freaked-out girl whose dad had been convicted on tax evasion and she was running to the only man nearby. Even Lloyd intuitively gets this. ("Are you here because you need someone, or you need me? Forget it, I don't care.") So I guess that for any guy out there who wants a girl, make sure her dad (John Mahoney) and he's ripping off old people.

Sub point: As much as I love Lloyd, reflection as an adult makes me find it highly unlikely that a) a teenage boy would write a love letter to the girl he lost his virginity to her and b) Lloyd and Diane would have gotten together at all.

Sixteen Candles: Jake Ryan Goes for Samantha Baker

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Ah, the classic Sixteen Candles. The dreamtastic teenage girl fantasy of meeting Mr. Hunk-ola and having him kiss you over a burning birthday cake. Let's think back for a moment though and face facts. The only reason -- the only reason -- Jake Ryan (Michael Schoeffling) was into Samantha Baker (Molly Ringwald) was because he found that note she'd written in Independent Study that said she wanted to have sex with him. THAT WAS THE ONLY REASON. He didn’t know her, had never really spoken to her, and he was basically tired of his blond cheerleader girlfriend throwing parties and wrecking his parents' house all the time. Samantha was a demure sophomore ready to give it up. That's all. And that's why he was interested in her. Creepy!

Sub point: No way would Samantha's family have ever let her miss her sister's wedding reception!

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