HD writer bio: Top Five Things Andrea Will Not Relinquish At The End Of The World

Posted at 2:47 PM Jan 01, 2009

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photo by Trenton Read, www.trentonread.com
I'm Andrea Grimes, a writer, stand-up comedian and die-hard Texan. An NYU grad and travel enthusiast, I'm currently living in Austin, where I'm working on a book about female comics, studying cultural anthropology and seeing the bottoms of a lot of Lone Star cans. Some folks know me best as the Dallas Observer's Girl On Top, though my writing has also appeared in Salon, the Austin Chronicle and SPIN. When the aliens come to get us in 2012, this is what I'm taking along for the ride:

5. My Legend of Zelda beach towel

Purchased at Toys 'R Us sometime in the late 80s, my LoZ beach towel features the old-school 8-bit Nintendo logo and is the ultimate water-side conversation piece.

4. Miller High Life tallboy six-packs

Some people have no respect for the Champagne of Beers, but I can assure you that my intense High Life obsession more than makes up for this fault in others.

3. Warped, cheap vintage comedy LP's

I used to listen to NPR while I cooked dinner; now Bill Cosby, Joan Rivers and Woody Allen help me make my special coq au vin, at least until I get tired of resetting the needle again and again.

2. Cowboy boots

I've been wearing the same pair--that I found in my mom's closet--for six years, and I'm convinced the things will never wear out.

1. Ira Glass

I honestly can't see him putting up much of a fight.    

HD writer bio: Top Five Esoteric Facts About Kathleen

Posted at 2:46 PM Jan 01, 2009

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Kathleen is a freelance writer and culinary student based in Brooklyn, N.Y. She's fascinated by life, food and culture, both the vertiginously highbrow and contemptibly lowbrow (the middle of the road is for craven caitiffs). She's also quite fond of her husband, Stephen, and their dog, Penelope. Established factoids, all. Here are a few secrets:

5. She uses Irish Spring's Icy Blast bar soap every day.

I know. It's totally embarrassing.

4. On her 7th birthday she got overexcited after too much grape Koolaid... 

and chocolate cake, decided to run laps around the perimeter of her folks' house kicking her feet in the air while singing the theme song to "Footloose." She managed to launch one of her fancy patent leather dressy-time birthday/church shoes into the chimney during her spaz-out. Her mother never got over the humiliation of being forced subsequently to pair her party pink taffeta poof dress with a pair of crusty brown penny loafers. The end.

3.
She once forced her husband out of bed at 6 am on his day off to save a baby bird.

It had clearly fallen out of its nest. When he groggily and rather crankily approached it, the bird allegedly peeped at him with aspersion and flew away. He claims it was full-grown, a subject still under (fierce!) debate.

2. After Kathleen quit smoking, she went through a rather prolonged stage in which she would consume an entire jar of peanut butter in one sitting.

Preferably organic.

1. Sometimes she grinds pepper into her oatmeal.

HD writer bio: Top Five Things You Simply Must Know About Jennifer

Posted at 2:45 PM Jan 01, 2009

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My name is Jennifer Mathieu, and I'm a writer based in Houston.  My work has appeared in the Houston Press, the Houston Chronicle, The Washington Post, SPIN, BUST and Bitch.  My personal essays have been included in the Dallas Museum of Art's reading series, Texas Bound, as well as the Seal Press essay collection, Going Alone: Women's Adventures in the Wild.  I recently completed my first young adult novel.

5. Despite writing in English, my first language was Spanish.

I'm the daughter of Cuban and Chilean immigrants, and my first language was Spanish until I went to preschool and immediately decided to say adios to my beloved native tongue.  My bilingual parents gave in, and English soon became the language of choice in our home.  Now, years (and a minor in college) later, I am building back my fluency.  Por supuesto, I never lost the ability to curse in Spanish.

4. My least favorite word is moist; I love the word mortified.

I try never to use the word moist in my writing.  Even now, explaining this entry, it disturbs me to type moist.  I don't know why, but I think it's a terrible, disgusting word, and it makes me uncomfortable.  I also try to avoid the words cluster, bulbous, and perforated.  I hate those words as well.  Favorite words include: mortified, staunch, ridiculous, and anomie, among many others.

3. I failed my driver's test the first time and once totaled two cars in two months.

Okay, so I'm not a very good driver.  I'm also such a freakish reader that I have this bad habit of trying to read while I drive.  Not a good idea, by the way.  Fortunately, I spend more time behind the keyboard than the steering wheel.

2. I am the last person on Earth to not own a cell phone. 

Well, my husband and I are the last people on Earth to not own a cell phone.  It all started when we decided we just didn't want the extra expense, and we really didn't feel we needed them.  Now it's really about seeing how long we can go without them - our own personal rebellion, if you will.  Plus, there's such a glorious joy that comes with never having to worry about turning off a phone at the movies, and I never have to worry about losing my phone and not knowing anyone's phone numbers.  Also, I will never be that asshole on the plane who immediately pulls out the phone to call someone and say, "Well, we just landed."  Oh really?  Well who fucking cares.

1. I believe low culture is culture, and I hate phonies.

I cannot stand culture snobs.  I cannot stand people who claim to love James Joyce because they read Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man in high school and know it's the "right" thing to say James Joyce is a genius.  (By the way, I hate James Joyce.)  I cannot stand people who quote The New York Review of Books loudly at parties and roll their eyes at Will Ferrell and wouldn't dare listen to a pop song.  Frankly, I have a subscription to The New Yorker and US Weekly, and my life would be empty without either one.  Like what you like and don't like what you don't like, but don't make apologies for it, and please don't put on airs. 

Nicki Escudero's Heartless Doll bio

Posted at 1:00 AM Jan 01, 2009

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Nicki Escudero is a Scottsdale, Ariz. native who loves music and concerts, art, poetry slams, comedy, burlesque, running, riding bikes, playing tennis and kickball, learning, working with kids, talking to new people, dancing, reading, restaurants (vegetarian, please!), movies and so much more. :-)

Merritt Martin's Heartless Doll bio

Posted at 1:00 AM Jan 01, 2009

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James Khattak
Merritt Martin spends most of her time happily ensconced in a cubicle at the Dallas Observer, editing the Night & Day section and writing her Girl Drink Drunk column, Project Runway recaps, music-related stuffs and other posts for the paper's various blogs. She lives, with her one-eyed cat and two-eyed boyfriend, in Dallas where they ride bicycles (well, not the cat) and listen to vinyl LPs (and even 8-tracks) with equal enthusiasm. Merritt prefers pants to skirts, cold cereal to eggs, and odd numbers to even. She once kept a Netflix movie for almost two years without watching it, and even in her thirties, continues to find that many of her family's "normal" traditions from her childhood are things that no one else has ever heard of.

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