Reading Heartless Doll, or any other feminist-minded ladyblog for that matter, could give one the impression that being a lady is really hard and terrible, what with there being all that sexism, misogyny and general disdain for women that continues to run rampant through, well, everywhere. But make no mistake about it: being a woman is actually kind of awesome. For all manner of reasons, not least of which is the fact that being a woman is also being human, which is a pretty sweet deal most of the time.
Which is partly why I refuse to entertain any of the recent man-oriented advertising that seeks to denigrate men by asserting that any and all kinds of feminization is some kind of horrible punishment. Like, for example, this Miller Lite ad that portrays non-Miller Lite drinkers as skirt-wearers (and by extension, women. HORRIFIC!).
Teenage girls of the world! The next time you find yourself getting hot and heavy with one of those winner boyfriend-types we keep seeing on 16 And Pregnant, take a moment to reflect on your choices. Or, rather, take a moment to reflect on the choices other people have made in their lives that have determined whether or not you are a rich girl with a supportive family. Ask yourself: am I like totally rich and will my family like totally take care of my baby if I get bored with it?
If the answer is "yes," screw away with abandon! That's the gist of this atrocious, classist PSA Bristol Palin has filmed for the Candies Foundation:
Childless by choice? Getting older? Afraid of dying alone while your cats nibble away at your fleshy bits? You can do it in style if you just buy "Grey Charm" hair color, the product of choice for old ladies who want their hair to match their fussy Persian felines! If you love Cute Boys With Cats, this advertisement is for you.
It's really the expression of the cat in this vintage hair color ad that kills me:
The plus size question in fashion, to my mind, is this: when will designers and advertisers actually show women who are legitimately "plus-sized," if that even means anything, instead of pretending like conventionally thin and specifically shaped women are fat? Indeed, we know with some certainty that the models used to market "plus-sized" fashion today are, well, hardly pluses at all. In fact, most of them are around a size 12, giving the impression that there are two sizes which all ladies do (or should) fit into: thin (the best!) and "plus sized" (absolutely normal or average.)
With less complicated special-effects technology and, sadly, a whole lot less Isaiah Mustafa, Kotex appears to be prepared to release their own self-deprecating version of the Old Spice "I'm On A Horse" ad. Instead of blue liquid and beach-dancing and flowers and white pants, Kotex is going the satirical route of simply calling out everything everyone has thought was stupid about feminine hygiene product marketing. So far, the folks behind Kotex U have uploaded six commercials and spots (HAHAHAHA) to YouTube, generally demystifying menstruation and, additionally, mocking said mystification.
Bonus: one commercial even features Zelda. Yes, that Zelda.
I believe I am the target market for Reebok's supposedly ass-inflating shoes--as noted before, I lack a trunk of junk. But Reebok has thus far not been particularly inspiring with their advertisements for EasyTone sneakers, the ones that are supposed to tone my butt 28 percent more (than ... flip flops? Cowboy boots?). Last year, I was uninspired by their objectifying, reductionist ad for the shoes featuring a leering camera man and a silly, silly girl who just thought being leered at was so silly! Giggle!
But can a new happy, dancey ad featuring happy, dancey perfect asses convince me to purchase these $100 sneakers in hopes of having the butt I've always wanted? (Which more or less means, "a butt, any butt.")
Per Jezebel today, it looks like we've all been fooled! Yes, us silly ladies have fallen prey to the fox-like tactics of Chrysler (parent company to Dodge) for being all panty-wadded about that atrocious Charger ad that aired during the Super Bowl. See, it was part of their super-smart plan all along to cause outrage! I know I feel a lot better now. Sexism is a thing of the past, and we can all celebrate the wonderful world of equality which, until the airing of that ad, did not exist.
And to prove it, Dodge has come out with an (online only) ad that is meant to prove to women that they, too, can drive Dodge cars with confidence and abandon:
Bonus! An awesomely disturbing SexReally.com illustration.
A new PSA from SexReally features dudes being sex-obsessed assholes, while their idiot girlfriends unknowingly plan babies with them because they don't know better. (Interesting, in light of this new study, which suggests young men may want babies more than young women.) Do people really think girls don't sit around and talk about sex like this? Because they need to listen to me and Susan Quesal go at it for couple hours at our local. (Of course, maybe minus the rapey part at the end. Triggerish warning.)
Divas are hateful bitches who drive everyone crazy with their incessant, nagging demands that everyone respond to their every beck and call. Of course, divas are also women (or Elton John), because everybody knows women just yammer and whine most of the time, whereas dudes (who are not Elton John) are super-cool and fun. So it really sucks when dudes act like girls, which is why they need to eat chocolate, according to this Snickers ad featuring Aretha Franklin and Liza Minelli:
This year's Super Bowl ads were not just chock full of man-tastic misogyny and masculinity-mourning, they were also full of violence. And not just the headdesking kind where Tim Tebow tackles the loving mother who didn't abort him!
who reminds us that while sexism and racism and all that, you know, shit feminists hate is bad, violence is also pretty damned crappy. MURKA! MURKA!
Last night while watching the game, I let out the occasional yelp and squeal and cheer, as I am wont to do when I view sports (#geauxsaints). A dude friend of mine couldn't get enough of my outbursts. As he said: "I've never seen a girl invested in the outcome of a football game before." (With which I took issue, but that's not the point here.)
Because I don't think anyone working on the man-tastic, mostly banal, generally misogynistic advertising that aired during the game has ever seen a woman watch a sporting event, either. Masculinity was a major theme throughout the commercials, wherein men were encouraged to quit being such wussy turds and man up and BUY STUFF!
I'm sure if I had balls (real ones, you know, because my metaphorical ones are alright) I might have a little second-hand squeam while watching this little Sharpie-drawn penis traipse around the bathroom walls on its testes. But this French PSA advocating condom use is so good and funny, I imagine even the guys can ignore the imaginary pain:
I suppose there's something to be said about a condom being the only thing a guy needs to attract vaginae of all kinds, shapes, hairdos and sizes. But I like how the girl in the bathroom is the one who insists on the condom (you know, er, draws it on or whatever), and does so in a completely cool way. Lady agency: so important.
Over Christmas, I noticed a Special K cereal television advertisement running that featured a mom and her daughter doing some kind of craft at the little girl's kid-sized table. When the mom stands up to answer the phone, her ass is stuck in the kid-sized chair. Mom takes that opportunity to decide that since she is a grown woman who can't fit into a kid-sized chair, she is therefore fat, and needs to eat some Special K.
If fat means we can't sit in chairs made for children, then I am sorry to say that most adults who aren't decomposed skeletons are verging on morbidly obese. I can't find an online video of that ad just yet, but in my search, I did find this rip-off Special K faux ad, for cereal with birth control. Sign. Me. Up.