Sad Bastard of the Week: Hard choices

Posted at 7:00 AM May 04, 2010

By Andrea Grimes

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Kansas, Oklahoma, Florida and Louisana have passed or are considering atrociously restrictive anti-choice laws over the past week, and perhaps coincidentally, there were several letters in my stable of favored advice columns dealing with the difficult subject. This week, we have two Sad Bastards: "Better a baby than ... leprosy" in Dear Carolyn and "Cheryl's Fiance" in Dear Abby.

"Cheryl's Fiance" has been shut out by his lady's sister, who is angry that Cheryl got an abortion:

My fiancee, "Cheryl," and I are in our early 30s and recently made an extremely difficult decision. We decided to terminate her pregnancy at six weeks. Cheryl's sister "Nicki" -- my future sister-in-law -- is opposed to abortion and now no longer wants to talk to me or have anything to do with me.

I have tried reaching out to Nicki to explain the reasons for our decision, but it has fallen on deaf ears. Should I continue asking her for forgiveness, or have I done enough already? This is causing Cheryl a great deal of pain, and I don't believe that it's fair for Nicki to punish me for a personal family decision.

Nicki sounds like a judgmental asshat, first off, so I'm a little unclear on why Fiance wants to be in her good graces, anyway. But I suppose for the sake of familial good-graces, it's important to the guy that Nicki not ignore him completely. But his phrasing with regard to "asking for her forgiveness" rubs me all the way in the wrong way. Fiance and Cheryl shouldn't feel obligated to beg for anyone's forgiveness--least of all a hateful sister-in-law who had no part in their decision.

Then, "Better a baby than ... leprosy" in Carolyn Hax's column wonders how to deal with announcing her soon-to-be ex-husband's baby:


Katie said:

"Gossiping, judging and general hatefulness don't do anything but create awkward, sad relationships."
::round of applause::

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