Posted at 5:00 AM Apr 21, 2010
By Andrea Grimes
Of all the single lady stereotypes on television these days, the emotionally unavailable and unattached crime-solving lady is the most ass-kicking and respected. She does not lament her singlehood. She does not spend her days in a cubicle surrounded by cat photos. She solves crimes! She comes home and barely has time to sleep before she has to go out and solve more crime! And look meaningfully into the eyes of victims for whom she will stop at nothing to get justice!
This list is a celebration of the EUUCSL, who would totally contribute her super-smart, self-defense-rocking genes to further the welfare of humanity if she wasn't too busy taking care of business.
10. EUUCSL's have a seemingly unending supply of brilliantly sexy quips that say, basically, "I am out of your league, buster."
"You do remind me a little of Hooch." OH SNAP.
9. EUUCSL's have the ability to explain complicated human biology and behavior in just a few short sentences.
Whether it's demonstrating how potassium overdoses can cause heart attack-like symptoms or diagnosing a mystery brain tumor that went undetected by every doctor a victim ever saw, the medical examiners and other lab-rat ladies who populate crime shows can explain incredibly complicated chemical and biological concepts in the time it takes most of us to pour another glass of Franzia.
8. EUUCSL's get to overcome their tragic histories and avenge past wrongs every single day.
Damages' Patty Hewes had an abusive, absentee father. Law and Order: SVU's Olivia Benson is a product of rape. But they've both chosen--through law and through policework, respectively--to speak with and for those who have no voice. To help the past versions of themselves. Nay, the children they were in the past. The children who had no advocate. Oh god, I'm going to tear up.
7. EUUCSL's always look awesome even if they are going through something terrible and traumatic, like going undercover in prison and almost getting raped.
6. The EUUCSL's of CSI get to hear awesome Caruso one-liners nonstop.