Posted at 5:00 AM Apr 06, 2010
By Merritt Martin
We've all heard of a quarterback sneak, triple Salchow, back court violation, slapshot to the fivehole and other sporting terms that sound a little strange but are clearly related to a specific sport. There are, however, quite a few sporting terms that, without a solid context, sound like legitimate sex acts.
Like, you know, things people do to and with other people looking to score. Stuff potentially done on a dare or with protective equipment (possibly helmets -- I'm not ruling anything out). Things that could be captured on tape...not necessarily done on the 50-yard-line, but possibly involving a home run. (See what I did there?)
10. Bunt (baseball)
What it actually is: When a batter taps the ball just in front of the plate and into play, usually to advance a runner
What it sounds like: Giving or receiving a blow J in plain view of security camera. Why did I think of this? Because I'm a nerd, and Allen Funt was the creator and host of Candid Camera. Variation: Blowing someone while watching Candid Camera or a show of the same style.
9. Dribble penetration (basketball)
What it actually is: When the player dribbling the ball drives into the free-throw lane and, essentially, penetrates the other team's defense
What it sounds like: Hey, I never said they'd all be good. This sounds like it'd also be known as a taint's worst night ever. Think of it this way: Someone with jack rabbit syndrome also has excessive slippage and bad aim.
8. Muffed punt (football)
What it actually is: When there is "uncontrolled touch" of the ball after it is punted, or, rather, drop kicked
What it sounds like: All you suggested was trying out a strap-on. When you show up, he's tucked and taped and-where did he even have that crafted?!-is wearing a merkin. You've tried the twig and berries, now it's time to check out the muffed punt. Btw, the actual definition sounds kinda cool until you get to "drop kicked."
7. Ringing the pipe (hockey)
What it actually is: A hard shot that hits the goal post and makes a ringing sound.
What it sounds like: Do not make a hard shot against anyone's goal post if you want to continue knowing them. No, this one's just for the fun-folk, the lovers of carnival games and cotton candy. And the ones with good aim - otherwise, it could just take too long. It's ring toss for lovers. And if you're adventurous, you bought the ones that vibrate.
6. Handbagging (soccer)
What it actually is: When players fight on the field but don't actually throw real punches. Instead they just slap and hit at each other. Named so because they're said to act like grandmas swinging handbags.
What it sounds like: Ever tried to see if you could fit all the crap you keep in your purse in a purse at the store before you buy it by estimating each item's size with your hand...oh, fuck it. I'm talking about fisting, people. Just with a waaaaay cooler name. Let's start using this one, k? Handbagging from now on!