Posted at 10:00 AM Apr 29, 2010
By Andrea Grimes
And, true fact: I really like thinking about weddings. I like parties and all manner of big events that require specialized costuming and clothing, and weddings seem like especially fun to plan because the honorees get to personalize them so. But, as a feminist lady, I've had trouble with one bit in particular: the idea of a father giving his daughter away is pretty offensive to me. Are women property to be transferred? We are not!
Which is why I love this article in Lemondrop today from Virginia Sole-Smith about how she, as a feminist, addressed this precise problem:
As a feminist, I didn't love the notion of being handed over (and my father-in-law-to-be kept making jokes about needing to negotiate my price in head of cattle, which didn't help.) But there was also the fact that Dan and I already had a life together with an apartment, a car, two cats and a shared AmEx bill that we fight over every month; we had already survived high school, college and eating guinea pig on a trip to Peru. I wasn't leaving some earlier version of myself behind to become his wife.
Her solution? Walk together with her husband down the aisle. Lovely! Thoughtful! Appropriate! But my god, how do you tell your father, someone who perhaps has kind of had this idea for a while that this is What People Do and who may not be on board with That Feminist Business, that he won't be walking you down? Well, Sole-Smith sent an e-mail.
Even more surprisingly, my dad loved it, too. He's a forward-thinking guy, but you know fathers and daughters. I was worried that deep down he might be hurt, but too easy-going to admit it. So I broached the subject carefully (and, uh, via email -- which might sound chicken, but my dad hates talking on the phone, and I knew email would give him time to process, instead of putting him on the spot.)Dolls and Guys, have you fanagled any parts of your own ceremonies to suit your own beliefs? Got any more thoughtful alternatives to the bride giveaway?