Posted at 12:00 PM Apr 09, 2010By Andrea Grimes
This may come as a shock to you, so please, take a seat lest I be liable for heads exploded: the women of Planet Earth are not driven to mass levels of insanity just because we bleed for a few days every month due a phenomenon known as "menstruation."
You do not, then, need to spend $1.99 on the iPhone "Code Red" app, which purports to be "a survival guide to her monthly cycle. Period!" The fact that you are alive and able to read this open letter proves my point: you have not been put in mortal danger by 50 percent of the world's population such that you need to "survive" something that does not even fucking happen to you.
It's not my natural menstrual processes that turn me into a crazy person, it's casual fucking sexism like this Code Red bullshit that drives me up the goddamned wall. I AM SO FAR UP THE GODDAMNED WALL.
Dudes, if you are dating a woman who freaks out all the time and has wacky mood swings and demands flowers and chocolates and compliments, you are dating a CRAZY PERSON whose period is completely incidental to the fact that she is CRAZY. If you need an iPhone app to manage your girlfriend's behavior, your problem is NOT YOUR LACK OF IPHONE APP TO MANAGE YOUR GIRLFRIEND'S BEHAVIOR.
Further. You know a really good way to figure out whether or not your girlfriend is on her period? ASK HER. You know a really good way to make a girlfriend happy? COMMUNICATE WITH HER ABOUT HER WANTS AND NEEDS AND DESIRES AND DON'T RELY ON SOME STUPID APP, EVEN IF IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE A STUPID JOKE.
Apps like "Code Red" play on ridiculous, oppressive stereotypes about men and women's behavior, using tired tropes to elicit giggles out of immature assholes.
p.s. For the record, I am not on the rag. Heck, I don't even have real periods because I'm on the pill. So.