10 Tweets My Mom Would Twitter

Posted at 5:00 AM Apr 13, 2010

By Jill Pantozzi


It's the day we all dread. You get a friend request from your mom. Facebook seems to be the most likely outlet for this kind of horror, but it can come from anywhere-- Myspace, Twitter, FourSquare. No matter which way you look at it, it's just WRONG. Having your mom connected to you online is like having her tag along when you go to the mall with your friends. She's always peering over your shoulder to see what you're buying, butting in with news from Aunt Sally or...god forbid, trying to use hip slang.

Luckily for me, my mom is almost 95 percent computer illiterate. (Hooray!) Her office just got computers about 3 years ago, and while she can figure out how to instant message me, she always signs her IMs like a letter. "You must be in the shower. Talk to you later. Love, Mom." This doesn't mean she isn't curious though. She knows I spend about 95 percent of my life on the computer, and when she tries to ask me about Twitter, she struggles with what to say. "Are you, twittering...tweeting....tw...What are you doing?" Here's what I think my mom would tweet were she capable of signing up for Twitter.


(Things you need to know: My Twitter name is TheNerdyBird, my blog is called "Has Boobs, Reads Comics" and I have an unhealthy obsession with Batman.)

10. @TheNerdyBird You're being followed by over 2 thousand people. This concerns me. Didn't I tell you not to talk to strangers?

9. Note to self - pick up milk on the way home from work.


8. The cat threw up on my bed again. I thought I was done cleaning up after children.

7. Extra ticket to see Johnny Mathis! Who wants to go?

6. @GreatTime69 What's a webcam?

5. @TheNerdyBird You became popular on digg? I don't know what that means but I'm so proud of you!!!! XOXOXO Let's go out for ice cream later t

4. o celebrate! My treat!! Oops, ran out of space. Why 140 characters anyway? That's really not enough time to say anything of value if you thi


3. @TheNerdyBird You want to do WHAT to Batman???

2. I forgot how to copy and paste. :(

1. Dear @TheNerdyBird, Please stop talking about your breasts on the internet. Love, Mom.


FallingAlice said:

My mom signed up for facebook, and now pokes me everyday.

Ruth said:

Fortunately, my mom never uses Facebook or Twitter. But my dad uses both & then I get these e-mails from both of them because apparently he reads her my tweets while she's getting ready for bed. O.o

Paul said:

This brought me a much needed smile between hacking fits. Not only has mom found Facebook, she's figured out the scanner and uploader last night. My childhood photos are now all over Facebook. I am mortified to say the least.

Randy said:

When I was just about to read your list, I figured what you want Batman to do to you would be on it somehow. I got one of them, whaddayacallits? Pornographic memory!

All kidding aside, my mother has assured me that she will never use Facebook or MySpace or anything like that. As she puts it, she has spent so much time and energy keeping certain people out of her life, it would be a shame to have to do it all over again.

pinguino said:

those are pretty awesome

Ed said:

My mom speaks really bad broken English and her Facebook posts make her sound like a drunk. My wife gets so embarrassed because Mom hasn't figured out the difference between a private and public post. I would die if she started following me on twitter.

I can already see the tweet. "Congratulacion to yu, yu mek mi bery praod."

Roisin said:

My mum is on Facebook and 'likes' or comments on everything I do. As does my nan. It's all very annoying, but I can't really delete them and get away with it.

Rebelcomix said:

I LOVE this post.

My Ma just became Facebook-literate. It's a nightmare. She scolded me for using the word ass. She jumps my case for telling stories about my life on my blog. Every time she talks to me online I feel like she walked in on me masturbating.

I actually had to delete her for a while until she asked me to be her friend again.

How exactly to you respond to that??? Dear Mom. I don't want to be your friend. 8 (


PS Dear @thenerdybird please do not stop talking about "the girls" on twitter. That is what the internet was invented for.

Blue Sky said:

I AM A MUM and no I don't normally use caps and yes my 17-year old daughter does not want to be my friend on Facebook. Also hope she never writes a post like this. Who is Johnny Mathis?

Korbl said:

fortunately, my parents seem to have the good grace to not follow my facebook.

Or they've looked at it and realized that it's my space to vent, or something...

hm. can't see my parents respecting boundaries like that...

RebekahDay said:

Ha, I liked that article a lot. I'm twenty-four and I have a great relationship with my Mom and she's been asking me for a couple of months now to set her up with a Facebook account. I've explained that if I do make her an account under no circumstances is she allowed to be my friend. Luckily she's computer illiterate so if I never make her page I have nothing to worry about.

She also doesn't "get" Twitter which she likes to remind me about every time she overhears the word "Twitter."

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