Posted at 5:00 AM Apr 07, 2010
By Kiala Kazebee
Last week I expressed my disappointed feelings in regards to celebrities who Tweet. This week I am expressing my feelings about celebrities I wish would Tweet. Of course, I wouldn't be me if I didn't throw some dead famous people in the mix, because the Lost Gens would've thrived on the internets, too, am I right? Can't you all picture The Dome or Harry's bar peopled with Kiki and Hemingway and Genet Tweeting up a storm about the daily trips to the AmEx Wire Office and the joy/disappointment in receiving/not receiving enough money to buy some absinthe or whatever?
Anyway, here is my list of The Fames (living and dead) and their imaginary Tweets I imagined for them. Enjoy.
10. Timothy Olyphant
"Getting coffee at Starbux. Tried giving up caffeine for Lent but it just made me feel like Deadwood so I think a cup is Justified. GET IT?"
9. Christian Bale
"What about a...like a...Bat Newsie? Is that anything? HELLO? I AM TRYING TO FUCKING BRAINSTORM HERE AND YOU'RE FIXING A LIGHT OR SOMETHING? WTF?"
8. Katherine Hepburn
"Well, isn't this a fine thing? Just a fine, fine thing. Twittah! Isn't that marvelous? I think I'll say it again....Twittah! Ha! Yes, that is just fine."
7. F. Scott Fitzgerald
"There are girls and there are girls and occasionally, there are women. Golden women, whom sunlight never shadows. Anyway, I just ate a sandwich."
6. Lauren Graham
"Blah Blah Blah RORY blah blah blah POP CULTURE REFERENCE blah blah blah ADORABLE!"
5. Zelda Fitzgerald
"The South is such a palpable thing, dappled in fairy lights and the incandescence of belles and beaus and insouciance and damn. I think I just set something on fire again."
4. Kate Winslet
"Oh Dear. Sandy Bullock won't stop DMing me. Some silly business about "Single Ladies" and "Margarooties". I don't want to be rude but I don't actually think we're speaking the same language."
3. The Rock
" I am the Rock! I am an ISSSSSSSS-I-I-AH-LAAAAAAND!"
2. Peter Sarsgaard
"It's not so much that I'm bisexual as I am Sarsgaard Sexual. I'm really only attracted to myself. Can you blame me? #sargaarrrrrrrrrow!"
1. Noah Baumbach
"Getting dressed for a late dinner with @wesanderson. Should I wear the jodhpurs with or without the lighthouse braces? I guess it's a moot point. Wes will still make fun of my Brighton Cutaway."