Your husband's girl-watching is your problem, ladies

Posted at 10:30 AM Mar 30, 2010

By Andrea Grimes


Any woman who's ever been with a guy who can't keep his eyes to himself--or to his date, more specifically--knows how irritating, insulting and painful it can be to fight for attention with hot strangers. What you ladies may not know, is that according to Dr. Some Lady on, this behavior is your fault. If you weren't so ugly, frumpy and naggy, those men would suddenly become all-attentive Romeos whose only purpose in life is to serve your needs. Deal with it, girls, because the mens, they just can't help themselves!

Advice: My Husband Checks Out Other Women - The best bloopers are here

Apparently for this woman, it's easier to blame women for their bad relationships--remember, ladies, if something's wrong, it's your responsibility to change and fix it!--than to ask a man, who is so hardwired to be an asshole he just can't help himself and really, lady, you should just be happy he deigned to give you a few minutes of his time, to change his atrocious behavior.

"Karen," who asked this question, says pretty clearly that her husband is blatant in his behavior and neglects her, which leads me to believe it's not just because Karen isn't dressed to the nines, winking at her husband and trying to play footsie under the table. I love that Dr. Some Lady just decided to assume there was no possible way this woman could have a reasonable complaint.

Further, the advice is preposterous: if your husband is bonering up for every woman in the restaurant, you're supposed to wink at him, pet him and beg for his attention? Not only would that be extremely pathetic, the douchebag himself would probably find it incredibly annoying in that it got in the way of his leering.

Of course, the whole thing should be thrown out at this woman's "sorry, feminists," line, anyway. Anyone who has to toss out an entire group of people who have opted to think critically about sex and culture in order to get their point across has nothing valuable to say. And this bit about biology? Well, if men are so hard-wired to leer at/fuck everything that moves, no sexy outfit, winking and flirtation on the part of one woman is going to talk them out of it. So which is it, Dr. Some Lady? Are men born fuckers, or can women reel them in with the right behavior? You can't have both.

Truth: all men are not throwing their jaws on the floor in front of their partners. Many of them are respectful and loving and take their partners' feelings into account when they're asked to gape with subtlety. It can and does happen all the damned time. It's not biology. It's bad manners, and it's beyond inconsiderate if someone continues to do this when they know it upsets their partner.


Nicki E. said:

This video really disturbed me, because it's saying that basically guys have a free pass to do whatever they want because of biology. And really, I have to wonder if this woman takes her own advice and if she's seriously cool with her boyfriend/husband/whoever looking at other women while she's with him. Bizarro.

Andrea said:

Precisely, Nicki. The gender essentialist narrative is this: men can do whatever they want because of their biology, and women have to change and adapt and stifle themselves because of their biology.

Merritt said:

"...or pay the price." She actually just said that! It's so gross.

And here's a newsflash: Women like pretty things too. But, even if my guy gained 30 pounds and wore the forbidden sweatshirt, I'd keep respecting him and the value of having him in my life.

I also take issue with the sweatshirt comment because she makes it sound as though the woman just sat at home in her sweats all day wondering why her husband hates her and watching Springer.

The one thing she didn't suggest (and that she didn't so irks me): Communicate to your husband that you don't find this behavior acceptable. Ask him why he does it. Tell him how it makes you feel.

spark said:

The best part is that she just says: it's biology. There's biology stuff and science! Science and chemicals and hormones which a. ladies don't have so b. I don't really know what it is because my little ladybrain doesn't understand it 'cause it's too full of cosmo tips but I KNOW THERE IS BIOLOGY AND IT IS A THING! BIOLOGY! SCIENCE! See, I win because I said biology.

The Admiral said:

I'm bringing down the curve as always, but that lady in the yellow sweater on the front of "Girl Watcher" is no lady.

More on topic, though, spark essentially said what I would have, only better and funnier. Anything with -ology on it has got to be right. Still sort of on topic, has anyone heard the theory that men have erections in the morning to prevent urination? As in wetting the bed? I have to get up to pee, FFS! So help me Supreme Being of Your Choice if that's true I'm turning in my human card.

Ginger said:

No guys. No. You see this person explained it very well by using the word biology which makes the statement a biological fact. Period. You see "ology" means study of. Even if you look at analogy (the study of anatomy for all o f you smarts newbs) you will see that there is a physical difference between men and women in the form of penis. Since women missed out on the penis at birth, they missed out on a few other choice items as well. That's just facts. Men can't help but be completely emotionally idiotic even though they command the majority of power in the known world including the ability to market to the emotions of women to further their campaigns. I mean there is a big difference between knowing not to look at some woman infront of your woman and being able to fix something involving wood and those little round donut shaped metal things. I don't know. I'm a woman and you can't expect me to know just like you can't blame a man for never showing any sexual morality. Duh.

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