Posted at 10:30 AM Mar 30, 2010
By Andrea Grimes
Any woman who's ever been with a guy who can't keep his eyes to himself--or to his date, more specifically--knows how irritating, insulting and painful it can be to fight for attention with hot strangers. What you ladies may not know, is that according to Dr. Some Lady on YourTango.com, this behavior is your fault. If you weren't so ugly, frumpy and naggy, those men would suddenly become all-attentive Romeos whose only purpose in life is to serve your needs. Deal with it, girls, because the mens, they just can't help themselves!
Apparently for this woman, it's easier to blame women for their bad relationships--remember, ladies, if something's wrong, it's your responsibility to change and fix it!--than to ask a man, who is so hardwired to be an asshole he just can't help himself and really, lady, you should just be happy he deigned to give you a few minutes of his time, to change his atrocious behavior.
"Karen," who asked this question, says pretty clearly that her husband is blatant in his behavior and neglects her, which leads me to believe it's not just because Karen isn't dressed to the nines, winking at her husband and trying to play footsie under the table. I love that Dr. Some Lady just decided to assume there was no possible way this woman could have a reasonable complaint.
Further, the advice is preposterous: if your husband is bonering up for every woman in the restaurant, you're supposed to wink at him, pet him and beg for his attention? Not only would that be extremely pathetic, the douchebag himself would probably find it incredibly annoying in that it got in the way of his leering.
Of course, the whole thing should be thrown out at this woman's "sorry, feminists," line, anyway. Anyone who has to toss out an entire group of people who have opted to think critically about sex and culture in order to get their point across has nothing valuable to say. And this bit about biology? Well, if men are so hard-wired to leer at/fuck everything that moves, no sexy outfit, winking and flirtation on the part of one woman is going to talk them out of it. So which is it, Dr. Some Lady? Are men born fuckers, or can women reel them in with the right behavior? You can't have both.
Truth: all men are not throwing their jaws on the floor in front of their partners. Many of them are respectful and loving and take their partners' feelings into account when they're asked to gape with subtlety. It can and does happen all the damned time. It's not biology. It's bad manners, and it's beyond inconsiderate if someone continues to do this when they know it upsets their partner.