Truly, your Dolls are many and various kinds of bitches!

Posted at 2:05 PM Mar 09, 2010

By Andrea Grimes

bitchelton.jpg
le bitch, il retourne.
There is a grand bit of hilarity going round the Twitter today concerning a piece of paper found in a third grade classroom detailing 90 different classifications of "bitches." As it is a fine Tuesday here in Austin, Texas--80 degrees and I'm parked at my favorite bar patio with a Shiner Bock--I am fully prepared to humor this list and attempt to determine exactly which kind of bitch I might be. I've also asked my fellow Dolls to peruse the list and suss out their own bitchery.

Here are the first 14 types of bitches, though you can see the rest of the scans here--sadly, page 4 is missing, so no one knows what bitches 44-58 are.

bitchpage1.jpg

Happily, Jeff Simmermon at And I Am Not Lying transcribed the list, and it is thus:


  • 1) Dirty dumb ass bitches

    2) Aint got no ass bitches

    3) Dusty trick bitches

    4) Fishy bitches

    5) Don't know how to fight bitches

    6) Got all that mouth but can't step bitches

    7) Ugly looking bitch that think they all that

    8) Can't keep a man bitch

    9) Track wearing bitches

    10) Bitches that be trying to steal your man

    11) Hoochie looking bitches

    12) Ain't got no damn sense bitches

    13) Stupid bitches that act dumb

    14) Bitches who can only get a dirty boy

    15) Want to be jocking bitches

    16) Bitches who think their man love them but get pregnant and be left alone

    17) Bitches who think they better than me

    18) Instigating bitches

    19) Talking behind your back bitches

    20) Loud mouth bitches

    21) Pissy bitches

    22) Stingy bitches

    23) Funky looking bitches

    24) Short hair bitches

    25) Spanish bitches who think they all that cause of their hair

    26) Bitches that be ignoring you when they know they can hear you

    27) Staring in your face bitches

    28) Big eyed looking bitches

    29) Crazy bitches

    30) Nappy tender headed bitches

    31) Booty shorts wearing bitches

    32) Coast-signing bitches

    33) Dick riding bitches

    34) Whipped bitches

    35) Buck tooth bitches

    36) Cheesy teeth bitches

    37) Same wearing clothes each day bitches

    38) Ghetto bitches

    39) Hair dyeing bitches

    40) Wearing shoes that be talking bitches

    41) Bitches who think they hard

    42) Bitches that think they get money

    43) Bitches that go to a dirty school

    44) (page missing)

    45) (page missing)

    46) (page missing)

    47) (page missing)

    48) (page missing)

    49) (page missing)

    50) (page missing)

    51) (page missing)

    52) (page missing)

    53) (page missing)

    54) (page missing)

    55) (page missing)

    56) (page missing)

    57) (page missing)

    58) (page missing)

    59) Gay bitches

    60) Stanky fishy coochie smelling bitches

    61) Tomboy bitches

    62) Stain on your pants bitches

    63) Dry scalp dandruff bitches

    64) Dirty hair bitches

    65) Stealing bitches

    66) Stinky feet bitches

    67) Big gap bitches

    68) Protecting their store bitches

    69) Pajamas outside bitches

    70) Ragly braid bitches

    71) Stanky butt bitches

    72) Greedy bitches

    73) Slimy grimy bitches

    74) Psycho bitches

    75) Drug dealing bitches

    76) Geekin' bitches

    77) Suntanning bitches

    78) Goofy looking bitches

    79) Triflin' bitches

    80) Skanky bitches

    81) Mugging bitches

    82) Sloppy bitches

    83) Dirty fingernails bitches

    84) Dirty sock wearing bitches

    85) Uncreative bitches

    86) White bitches that think black people poor

    87) Conceited bitches

    88) Tall bitches

    89) Short bitches

    90) Jealous bitches

But what kind of bitches are us Dolls? Truly, we shall tell you:

Comments

BorgQueen said:

Damn, well I don't know what a lot of these mean (#9, #40... huh?) but I can lay claim to #s 20, 29 (sometimes), 33 (only when around my boyfriend), 61, 76 (ditto, Andrea) and 88.

Andrea said:

Haha, BorgQueen, I love that you qualify when, in fact, you are a dick-riding bitch.

Zooey Rexie said:

I am all about #76 to be a "geekin' bitch" makes me proud. Lets praise our third graders for their attention and foresight in categorizing all of these types of bitches. Who needs math?

Diana G said:

This is magical. 18 and 33 always, and in the summer, 66 (chaco stank, wassup!) and 77 (tubing tan! yes!).

Harp364 said:

Out of all of these, "dirty socks wearing bitch" is my favorite.

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