Posted at 5:00 AM Mar 10, 2010
5. Photos of your friend wherein she looks like ass but you tagged her anyway
Let's do each other the honor of only posting relatively flattering photos. I'm not saying I need to look awesome in all my photos--I really don't, and I'm fine with that. But, if there's a particularly comical or embarrassing shot that could interfere with someone's gainful employment (or cock-block potential hotness), look into prior approval before hitting "tag." Otherwise, you're just mean.
4. Your dinner plate after you've finished eating
A full meal is fine. A full meal is enticing. Many appreciate good food p0rn. But the mess of scraps left after you've mowed down your chicken parm or Burger King is not what I'm looking for. If you've pushed the plate away, don't push it on me.
3. Any "sexy" photo taken at home with kiddie toys, baby bottle or package of diapers in the background
You know what? If you want a stylish, tasteful boudoir shot, don't take it of yourself. Don't take it in a mirror. And if your budget doesn't allow for a studio session, at the very least, clean up the evidence that there's a toddler in your midst. No one wants to be reminded that your cups runneth over because the twins just got done feeding. And the person who does is the only one who should see said photo.
2. You mid-deuce
I'm truly amazed that I've actually seen this photo, not once but several times. The shot isn't full-frontal or anything--I honestly think that would be easier to take. No, the photo I'm talking about is from the perspective of the shitter, looking down at the pants around the ankles, feet on the tile (heaven forbid the toes are curled). Variations are usually decorative in nature--a public stall or home bath mat. Having once taken a series of photos featuring people in bathrooms and bathrooms in general, I can say that dirt droppage was and should always be avoided. I don't have "the love toilet," and I don't want to share that moment with you.
1. That photo of your S.O. sleeping
Seems pretty innocuous but seriously, every time I come across one of these that I haven't personally taken (and not posted to Facebook, btw), I instantly--and I mean instantly--feel like a freaky, creepy stalker. Even more so than I do just being on social media sites in general.