Sad Bastard of the Week: When he's a girl watcher

Posted at 10:00 AM Mar 09, 2010

By Andrea Grimes

Today's Sad Bastard is an old one--and I don't mean in age. Rather, it seems to be timeless: today's Dear Abby is a collection of write-in responses to an original letter from "Yoo-Hoo, I'm Over Here!" who complained that her husband can't keep from ogling younger women when they go out in public together. Abby's original answer was that, for a young man, "boys will be boys," but for an old dude, this was creeptown (I'm paraphrasing). And her readers gave her a mouthful:

From "Keeping It Real In Tampa" ...

My husband and his friends hold "office hours" every morning at our neighborhood coffeehouse. I've told him as long as he "touches" only with his eyes, there won't be a problem. My husband and his pals are not "creepy old men." They are leaders in our community -- doing what they can to make the world a better place, while enjoying the scenery. There must be something terribly wrong with "Yoo-Hoo's" marriage if she's contemplating divorce because of this.
Oh, the sweet stage of denial. Yes, lady, your husband and his pals are, in fact, creepy old men. I am surprised women still go to this coffee shop, knowing that the old dudes sit around and leer during their "office hours." I get the jitters just thinking about the idea of this. Sounds to me like this Tampa husband-and-wife pair were made for each other, because they live in the same fantasy land.

Fact is, everyone I know checks hot people out. That goes for ladies, too. However, I find dudes are more accustomed to it being acceptable (this "boys will be boys" school of thought) and so feel less of a need to hide it in public. Many of my guy friends don't try too hard to hide their check-outs, at least not in front of gals they're not dating, and the guys I've dated who couldn't stop themselves from leering turned out to be cads, anyway.

Bottom line is: it's rude to noticeably ogle someone else when you're on a date, whether that date is with your spouse of 20 years or the person you met at the gym last week. If a person can't control the impulse to stare at an attractive person while on a date, that speaks to larger issues of insensitivity and arrogance. Unless both people are hunting for a third to join them in the sack (or in whatever poly-whatever situation they've got going on), I can't see any reason to tolerate blatant ogling.

Irene in San Antonio (Texas represent!) had what I felt was the best response:

Women look, too. I look! I think it's healthy to be aware of the people around you. But that doesn't mean we have to be obvious about it -- certainly not so obvious that we are inconsiderate of the people we are with. That said, the other side of the coin is: Did he act like this when they were dating? Did she know what she was getting when she married him? As they say, a leopard doesn't change its spots.


Anonymous said:

I don't check people out. Ever. It feels... rude, somehow.

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