Is This For Real?: Potential goth love, Jamie Oliver shames us and WTF, I'm proud of Bret Michaels?

Posted at 8:00 AM Mar 29, 2010

By Merritt Martin

First off, um, Kell on Earth season finale tonight, hello!? Surprise party and model shoot, yeah, yeah, whatever. Skinner and Andrew M. should totally hook up. And before you tell me why not, hear me out: their black wardrobes go together.

He's going to quit soon anyway--he's clearly only there to be around/help her. He delayed his dinner party for 2 hours until she got there. TWO hours. HELLO! She's confiding in him more than Kelly and he supplied her with ice cream after her break-up. He gets her to take breaks. Skinner! Taking breaks! UM, HI. He got her to wear the spiked collar/headband to fulfill a little fantasy. So he claims he's "into dudes right now." Right now. That doesn't mean always. She talks about him and smiles. As far as she's concerned, that's really enough, because she never smiles. Like, ever. There. That's my argument. My mother and I are sticking to it. Also, Emily needs to work on her abrasive, aggro-tone.

Oh, and as far as Real Housewives of New York is concerned, Bethenny and Jill need to stop fighting. It's just stupid and immature and everyone's so totally over each of them being over the other one being over it. Both of them are more charitable (allegedly) to strangers than they're being to one another. Pathetic.

Now, what we have here is, simultaneously, my wet dream and my worst nightmare: Jamie Oliver in America trying to convince people who stock their freezers with meat products of undetermined origin, that they need to modify their eating habits to live longer and help their families not die...and those free, voting American people are resisting and telling it straight to the camera.

Since when did being healthy become something that is comical or threatening to personal happiness? Oh, that's right. It didn't.

I guess after living in a major city all my life, I find myself repeatedly shocked and distressed by small-town reaction to big, wonderful ideas. Depending on who in the United States' "unhealthiest" community of Huntington, W.Va., Oliver talked to during the premiere of Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution on Friday, they were either resistant because "Who made him king?", irritated by his concern for others' well-being or convinced he was either playing a prank or totally out of his tree. Never mind the fact that the man already reorganized school lunch programs in England to be fresh and healthy. Never mind that he has a charity dedicated to enriching lives through food. That 'ferner must be up to tricks if he's gonna come over here and start changin' the way we do things!

Oliver didn't know what hit him from the shock jock jackass who finds salad and veggies scary (seriously? Grow up!), to the woman who pretended she was cooking meals and recipes Oliver provided (but had to-go cups strewn about and not a lot of produce missing from the fridge). Fortunately, the lady finally got some sense when her child's doctor told her he could die 40 years too soon if he kept eating the way she was feeding him. Jury's still out on the radio jock, though my money's on resistance till the end. He does work at a station called the DAWG after all. One pastor supported him from the start. That's one dude, in layman's terms.

There was red tape and bogus nutritional requirements at Huntington's Central City Elementary School. There was pizza for breakfast and a pea pod costume. There was a boy who thought a tomato was a potato and didn't know where French fries came from. It was like Celebrity Fit Club that no one signed up for, wanted or gave two shits about. No one found the Oliver's effort laudable; the unhealthiest were also the most inhospitable, close-minded jerks. Way to go, America!


Josh English said:

I love what Oliver is trying to do, and I'm sure they've upped the appearance of resistance just to make the hero all that more noble, or to make the "hicks of huntington" look worse on the national scale.

becky said:

Just to say, when Jamie Oliver originally started doing his school dinner thing in the UK people were just as bad, some parents were even getting fish and chips for their kids and passing them through the school fence, all so they didn't have to eat vegetables! WTF is wrong with people!

Tasha said:

I have to say that Jamie Oliver's program is having a positive impact at our house. My step-kids had been raised on pre-boxed and fast food for the most part, and I've been introducing them to real food, but vegetables have still been a challenge. After watching the first episode my 10-year-old is starting to talk about healthy food choices, and actually think that McDonalds might not be the best place on earth to eat.

FuryOfFirestorm said:

I'm watching Celeb Apprentice in the hopes of seeing Trump's toupee, Blagojevich's hairpiece and Bret Michael's weave in an all out cage match. My money's on Brett... if his hair can withstand skanks like Lacey and Daisy, it can handle anything!

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