How to meet men in the 1980s!

Posted at 4:35 PM Mar 22, 2010

By Andrea Grimes


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All too often, I find myself sitting on a simulated city sidewalk bench, being leered at by men in Cosby sweaters, lamenting my situation as a single lady. There are no men out there!

Which is why I'm glad someone passed on this 1980s-tastic guide to meeting men. Step number one: don't look like a bitch. Men in Cosby sweaters hate that. And remember, it's the men in Cosby sweaters you want! Well, really any man. Because watching Dallas and eating ice cream isn't going to fulfill you forever, now is it?




There's all kinds of great advice in here. Like, wear a sports jersey or carry a sports magazine or wear jewelry or a T-shirt with a slogan on it! I mean, if that shit doesn't have you parading down the aisle in a matter of weeks, what possibly could? Well, you could try some more advice given around the 1:15 mark--try spilling your drink on a man! Then, offer to pay for his dry cleaning! But remember, don't spill red wine, because then he'll remember you "for the wrong reasons." Nobody wants to suffer the horror of being known as a red wine drinker, am I right, ladies? The sheer embarrassment!

But the take-home message is this: if you want a man, and allow us to inform you that you definitely do, you should talk in a hushed voice about sports, even if you don't really know about sports. And never, ever mention relationships. You'll be living your happily ever after in no time at all!





Comments

Susan said:

SOMEONE SHOULD PUBLISH A PAPER WILL ONLY GOOD NEWS IN IT! YOU ARE SO RIGHT MAN THAT IS A GOOD IDEA!

I am practicing for finding my husband.

Damien said:

i love EIT. theyre funny as FUCK.

Tasha said:

Oh MAN. That made me laugh harder than I have in a long time. That was priceless. I wonder if the entire video is available somewhere...

Eye-Roller Lass said:

I think I've seen this video on "Help Yourself with Angus Deayton" a few years ago.

pmsrhino said:

Gonna be awkward when you find that guy who ISN'T interested in sports.

Oh wait, right, an automatic love of and complete knowledge of EVERY sport is genetically encoded in that Y chromosome they got. Silly me to forget that.

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