10 Good and Really, Really Bad Ways to Make Your Prom Actually Memorable
Posted at 5:00 AM Mar 29, 2010
By Andrea Grimes
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Anyone who's passed a grocery store mag stand has probably already noticed that the prom issues are screaming at you (whoever you are, dude picking up toilet paper and detergent) to find THE RIGHT DRESS FOR YOU and to MAKE IT MAGICAL!1!!!!11! But prom kind of is not magical. It kind of is a massive, expensive, overblown ordeal wherein hopes and dreams about romance and virginity and queens and kings are dashed miserably in a fit of sequins and lukewarm chicken breast. And that's if you're lucky--because if you're like me, you don't even really remember your prom. Heck, I wasn't drunk or high or anything, I just don't remember much of anything about it, from the mediocre DJ to whoever made prom court to what I won at the faux gambling after-party. And I bet there are many, many people in the Forgettable Prom Boat with me.
But you don't have to be in this boat. You can be in the Memorable Prom Boat. And you can do that two ways. Either you make really, really bad decisions that will live forever in your mind, or you make good decisions that will make you want to revisit that post-prom Facebook photo album again and again. Here, then, are five good and five bad ideas for prom-goers everywhere.
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5. Buy a trendy prom dress
For my generation, it was the midriff-baring formal gown. How that isn't an oxymoron, I don't know, but it definitely was worn by some morons. It's fine to go with something edgy--edgy can definitely be timeless. But there's a big difference between a dress with a fashion-forward asymmetrical cut and a dress that looks like it was shredded by your cat. Classic or vintage dresses will hold up well in the decades of photo-gazing to come.
4. Drink an entire bottle of bourbon
Or vodka. Or gin. Or a Mad Dog or six. Or a suicide-style mix of small portions of liquor from your parents' liquor cabinet because you didn't want them to notice that you stole their booze. Getting plastered at prom is probably going to end up in a pukestravaganza, and while that will definitely be memorable, it will also be incredibly painful both during and after. Trust me, I've seen a post-vom dry cleaning bill on a dress or two, and there's nothing pretty about it.
3. Orchestrate a grand gesture meant to ensure your life-long crush falls madly in love with you in front of the entire school
Not only will you remember this, but everyone else will, too. Particularly the life-long crush in question. Particularly as he or she is giving his or her statement to the police before filling out the restraining order.
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2. Hire Justin Bieber
I don't know who he is, but he looks lame so he probably does proms. Can you imagine telling your children your class paid this asshat to perform on the supposedly greatest night of your teenage life?
1. Dump a bucket of animal blood on the dorky girl
It's just so cliché.
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Comments
"Maybe it's like when you're eleven and you steal your older sister's issues of YM... and read the oh-so-grownup advice. Maybe that's what it's like for high school girls who read Heartless Doll. Are you out there?"
Ouch, that one sort of hurt. But yeah, the high schoolers are in the building.
Posted 03/30/2010 at 12:22:55 AMI have an addition for the worst idea list.
>> Have a hillbilly redneck for a prom date that:
A: Won't take off his cream-colored 10-Gallon Stetson, even while wearing a Black tux with shiny blue Herring-bone vest.
B: Takes you to eat at the MALL where your dress gets marked by a previously left stain on the front of the Pizza store's Counter that they can't see, and you're wearing blue to match his vest...
C: Buy food from any place where you stand in line at a mall for an overpriced slice of Pepperoni and a small soda, to be handed to you on a plastic tray with the cups and the plates are both made of paper.
D: Let him get pissed when he can't figure out why you're upset and starting to cry about it.
All this last Sunday at 4:34pm, in the course of eight of the slowest minutes of my life. I was working that Pizza job and it made me wanna stuff that dirty hat of his right down his throat. He left her, right there, sitting at the table.
I was so sorry about that. I had no idea there was two drops of marinara sauce on the front of my counter. I can't even reach over it to clean there regularly, I have to walk around from the service corridor, or do something stupid like laying on the counter and sliding forward like a trained seal from Busch Gardens or something. I'm more horizontally gifted and vertically challenged, if you get my drift.
But for God's sakes man, WAKE UP! It was supposed to be special, even a little better than normal. You both bought or rented an expensive outfit for JUST THAT OCCASION! That's the first clue. At least go to a Perkins or somewhere that the food is brought to you on Actual Ceramic Plates and that REQUIRES forks made of metal! I know it somewhere you have never been, outside the Corral and the feed barn, but you can find something to eat you may like there too!
Sorry, had to get that off my chest.
Ally Kat
Posted 03/30/2010 at 02:10:47 PM