What Would Courtney Love Do? Valentine's Day
Posted at 11:00 AM Feb 09, 2010
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Even though we think we may know everything there is to know about Courtney Love, these random facts about her life pop up from time to time that just make so much sense. For example: a slumber party she had with Peaches last summer. Of COURSE she had a slumber party with Peaches! Can't you picture it? Truth or Dare ... light as a feather ... paint each other's naked bodies in chocolate and microwaved Velveeta Cheese and scream at strangers to lick it off both of you. (At least this is what I envision a Courtney Love/Peaches slumber party to be).
For all her etiquette faux pas, I think Courtney Love is startlingly more self-aware than any of us give her credit for, and I seriously do love her for that. "I'm the edge, but you can't really go past me. I guess Keith [Richards] can, but I sort of set the barrier of behavior," she told Spinner last month. Indeed you did set that barrier, Courtney. And on a holiday that simply begs for inappropriate behavior, is there really anyone better to turn to for a dose of unscripted, non-publicist approved sentiment? Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Valentine's Day: What would Courtney Love do?
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Girls, let's talk shop. Were you aware that there was a codified clothing trend known as "kinderwhore?" Don't you want to hug the person that coined that? (Or hug the person who saw fit to make it a Wikipedia entry?) This was the clothing style that Courtney Love owned in the 90's: tight babydoll dresses, tiaras, Doc Martens, smeared make-up. And ladies, don't even front, you and I both owned at least ONE babydoll dress, so send Coco and her timeless LBD packing. For V-Day, it's Wet Seal all the way.
2. Say it with Sylvia Plath.
Forget Hallmark. Courtney would never. Here's a little known gem of Courtney Love trivia: she auditioned for the Mickey Mouse Club when she was 12. (Does this fact not make your life?) Not "Tea for Two," either. Oh, no! Instead, precocious little Courtney decided to read "Daddy" by Sylvia Plath, which includes the lines: "If I've killed one man, I've killed two--/The vampire who said he was you." Jazz hands!
Not only would I pay every dime in my paltry savings account to have sat on that Mickey Mouse Club judges panel, I seriously might write portions of "Daddy" in a Valentine's Day card, Love-style, just to see how Husband reacts. "Every woman adores a Fascist,/The boot in the face, the brute/Brute heart of a brute like you." Happy Valentine's Day to YOU.
3. See that pretty girl over there? Throw your make-up at her.
Of course we are referring to Love's infamous party crash of Madonna's MTV interview, circa 1995. Oh, moment 0:18! If I could write my own little love song for it, I would. Madonna's withering condescension just gets more and MORE delightful: "Who has better shoes? Mine are GUCCI." (3:38). I think we can take away an important lesson here: If some beautiful bitch is up-staging you, don't take that shit laying down. Talk her right off her high horse until she comes down, then run her off into the street. DOUBLY important on Valentine's Day.
4. Enough chit-chat. Time for body slams!
Sometimes words just aren't enough. As Courtney Love knows, sometimes you need to do more SHOWING and less TELLING. Take Joe Strummer's funeral, where she opted to...throw herself...on...the coffin. ("Allegedly.")
Valentine's Day is also a time for gestures, people. Home-cooked meal? Dunzo. Tender poems? Played out. Body slams? I'm willing to bet your second party will be more cool with this than you think.
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I might frame this picture of some dude latched onto Courtney Love's tittay. Doesn't she look like she's enjoying herself? Proof positive that not every kiss begins with Kay.
