Ten Things That Affect the Taste and Smell of Your HooHah (or Dipstick)

Posted at 5:00 AM Feb 15, 2010

By Merritt Martin

OK, so some people really dig the oral sex. The taste of a woman, the syrup of a man. Whatever. Sometimes, things mightn't be so ideal down there and if there's no valid medical reason (vaginitis, jock itch, STD or just states of unwash), a bad flavor or scent can be as simple as something you ate. Ever had buttered popcorn pee? (If not, it's when you eat movie theater popcorn and then after the movie or later that night you go to pee and it smells like--you guessed it--buttered popcorn. Also, asparagus pee.) Same principle.

So, I did some research: I trolled message boards, discussion groups, medically valid sites like Yahoo! Answers, sex blogs and a pool of real peeps and came up with 10 heavy hitters in the arena of junk funk and, conversely, sweet snatch. Grab your grain of salt (not too much, for all we know it could make you taste like seawater) and take a gander:

sparagus.jpg

10. Asparagus

Look, I love me some asparagus as much as the next gal, but let's be real, it's a strong nosh--and, if your pee stinks, one could assume the area from whence it came does as well. Play it safe and lay off eating the asparagus if your S.O. will later be eating you.

9. Coffee

I can drink a latte and the next time I pee it will smell so much like coffee I feel like I'm right back at Bucky's waiting by the espresso bar. I always thought my ability to process coffee was unparalleled, but apparently I'm not alone! And not only that, but the bean stank travels well amongst the vaginal and seminal crowds too, it seems.

8. Vitamins

Browse any oral sex book--such as The Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus by Violet Blue--and you'll find statements citing that a strong odor or smell can come not only from foods, but from concentrated doses of nutrients found within them. Maybe take your multi- after a mow job.

salmon.jpg

7. Salmon

Some say the vagina is a fairly close replica of a woman's mouth. Using that rule, if your mouth still reeks of a nice seafood dinner a couple of hours after you had one, the same could be said of your vagine. Guys, I've never heard any replica stories about penises but, if you like your lover even a little bit, maybe avoid things that can make your baby batter taste like Charlie Tuna's (not entirely, of course, just on date night).

6. Curry, garlic, onion

A helpful sort once advised that if you can smell a food's odor in the crook of your elbow, under your arm or on your palm, well, then it has infiltrated your sweat and would most likely stankify the nether regions. Spiced foods and "lingerers" like garlic and onion are the most obvious offenders.

Comments

Sara said:

I probably eat all of the above (I love to cook) and my boyfriend has never complained :-P Maybe eating multiple items off this list causes a sort of "Three Stooges Syndrome" (a'la Mr. Burns) and they all kinda cancel each other out?

Either way good list, I've been a firm supporter of pineapple for a long time :)

Merritt said:

"Three Stooges Syndrome"! Sara, you made my day!

Andrea said:

I totally bought pineapple today at the store (which I never do), without even consciously thinking about this article. Maybe my ladyparts are connected to my subconscious.

Ethan Moore said:

This overlooks one of the most obvious factors affecting the smell and taste of a woman's genitals, albeit one that cannot be readily controlled: menstrual phase (i.e., time of the month). A woman can smell and taste wonderful two weeks into her cycle (near the time of ovulation) but be unpleasant two days before or after her period (much less during it). (I've never performed oral sex on a woman who was using a hormonal birth control method that prevents menstruation altogether. I don't know what effect that would have.)

Sara said:

@Merritt Aw well thank you ^_^

Jean said:

if you have vaginal odor, say after you menstrate you can get rid of the odor by simply putting in 1/2 cup of salt and 1/2 cup of white vinegar in your bath. get the water as hot as you can stand it and water level should be to your thighs while sitting up. make sure it's mixed in real good then sit in it until the water gets cold. it balances the ph and there will be absolutely no odor.

Anonymous said:

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