Posted at 10:07 AM Feb 15, 2010
By Merritt Martin
Serious biz this week, folks. As much as I would like to discuss Kell On Earth with you, well, it seems it's just too...respectable? Yeah, I know. But get this: Celebrity Fit Club is back...only it's Celebrity Fit Club Boot Camp. I'm not really sure of the difference, and neither is my TiVo, so we're all good.
Yes, Harvey Walden IV, drill sergeant extraordinaire is in the mud with the likes of Sebastian Bach from Skid Row, Bobby Brown (gross), Jay McCarroll from Season One of Project Runway (seriously), Kevin Federline (gross), Shar Jackson (who claims she didn't know K-Fed would be on the show and will clearly use this as a vehicle to cleanse her rep as the one KF dumped for Brit...or to get a finding-love show on VH-1 since her previous association with Brandy practically guarantees her one [see Ray-J]), KayCee Stroh of High School Musical, Tanisha Thomas of The Bad Girls Club ( I don't know her either) and Nicole Eggert, who is not fucking fat (at 130 pounds, she's looking for a paycheck).
This is big. And I'm not making a fat joke. Well, I'm not just making a fat joke.
See, in the first episode, only two participants--TWO--made it through the first course. It was your basic scary Army-like "crawl in the dirt, walk on a rope, climb a net and get up to the bird's nest" type shit. And you know who the only guy to finish it was? The designer. How's that for bustin' stereotypes!
Then Bobby Brown told the doctor he didn't think choosing fried chicken over veggies was bad because, well, it's chicken, and that a light beer's prolly OK to drink the first night of boot camp. He's in it to win it.
But all was not lost as the one-armed Def Leppard drummer and his wife led a goddamn drum circle of healing and Sebastian Bach was so excited to see one of his peeps and I'm thinking, "You are so not on equal planes, Seabass. Def Drums had a way more impressive career." And then I thought, "Def is leading a drum circle and it's kinda wigging me out because Jay just said he felt the spirit of his sister's missing boyfriend, so maybe you can be on the same plane. Is this what healing the spirit is like? I love everyone."
They weighed in and everyone but Feder-ass clapped for Shar when she said she put on weight due to emotional issues the last 5 years. He was voted least valuable by Harvey and had to dig holes for some stumps (weird), so I guess that's fair. Not really.
Even more important still? Ashley on The Real World has major issues. Like, I wouldn't want to live with her based on the editing of this season.