Here, try this exfoliating rub--on your vagina!

Posted at 8:30 AM Feb 11, 2010

By Andrea Grimes

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Sometimes, when you are doing your morning beauty regimen, do you accidentally get your face and your vagina confused? Do you exfoliate your vagina and put a tampon in your mouth? If so, the Vajacial is for you! It's a facial for your vagina! Your smelly, ugly, dark, acne-ridden vagina that needs all the hourlong, $60 help it can get to look presentable. Available now at Stript in San Francisco.

Courtesy of the ladies at BellaSugar, who are appropriately horrified:

I know the Vajacial is supposed to be a fun girly thing, but it is unnecessary. Ingrown hairs are annoying, yes, but a little Tend Skin can help with that. Every ob-gyn I've known has said that gentle soap and water are all you need for proper hygiene, and the vagina naturally creates its own pH balance. Plus, I'm not crazy about the idea of applying so many products. Exfoliating enzyme peels are tingly on the face, so I can only imagine how they might feel on the most sensitive skin -- and there's no way a lightening cream is getting near my business.
If I told my gyno I had gone near my vagina with anything other than unscented soap and a loofah, she would kick my ass 10 ways to the beginning of my last period.

But here's where I disagree with the Bella gals, who write:

Obviously, the Vajacial doesn't intend to create shame, but its very existence could unintentionally foment even more anxiety and insecurity around what women's nether regions "should" look like. The treatment aims to address issues like freckling or skin color variance, but here's the thing: those aren't problems. They're normal.

See, I think the Vajacial is absolutely intended to create shame. Why else would anyone get this treatment? If you think your vagina looks great and normal as it is, you are not going to spend an hour and $60 letting someone scrub it down and throw bleach on it. We're not talking about a waxing or grooming session--we're talking about applying some serious chemical agents to your most sensitive skin. Because hey, fact: nobody needs this treatment. For it to be successfully sold, you have to create "need." And you create need by convincing women their vaginas need a little fluff job. That = shame.

(For the record, no, I don't think regular facials and beauty treatments are shaming in the same way this is--they may be largely overpriced and ultimately useless, but they're generally ubiquitous and known to be safe, even soothing for women who actually like them. I think more traditional beauty treatments may sometimes come from a place of insecurity and false need, but not in the explicit way this Vajacial thing does. There is something to be said about a culture that convinces people they need facials, but as BellaSugar points out, the stanky-vagina-shaming has an especially long and storied history.)

Finally, if you're so insecure about the condition of your vagina, is your first recourse really going to be running to some beauty spa to have some aesthetician glare at your gaping giner for an hour? Most women who don't have a vagina-complex still hate going to the gynecologist once a a year, and those people look at vaginas all day because it is their actual job. The Vajacial's target audience (if such a group even exists) would probably be too mortified to even ask for the treatment offered.

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[Ed. note: in lieu of a Vajacial, consider an orgasm! Win an awesome OhMiBod vibrator from HD and Eden Fantasys with your best sex toy story.]

Comments

NerdRage42 said:

Funny, was just thinking my puhsay was stank and I wanted to throw money away on a ridiculous proceedure that will only last until my twat starts squidging out more of my regular lady juices. Maybe I should stop eating so much asparagus, garlic and broccoli.

Agreed. This is just stupid.

BorgQueen said:

Sadly this doesn't shock me at all. In a culture where women get labia lifts and use bleaching agents on their nethers, this was a natural extension of that. Do men feel "insecure" when they realize their nutsacks need exfoliating? Would some idiot company even think to market something like that? Next thing you know some celeb is gonna be on the cover of US Weekly touting her fabulous vagina makeover.

Susan said:

UGH WHY CAN'T MY VAGINA JUST BE A VAGINA ANYMORE??? MY VAGINA IS NOT MY FACE!! UGH.

RachelB said:

I remember a conversation I had with a spa employee where the phrase "anal bleaching" came up. Things that make you go, "Blech!"

beng said:

your vagina had a very un pleasant smell

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