Posted at 3:55 PM Feb 17, 2010By Andrea Grimes
It wasn't until I met two of my fellow dolls--Merritt Martin and Susan Quesal--that I became actual friends with girls. Merritt and Susan apparently both decided, upon meeting me, That We Would Be Friends, And That Was That. (They're both Pisces--coincidence?) And so I'd stop by Merritt's cube at the Dallas Observer to obsess over crushes, and once, she even talked me down from a serious boy-related public crying jag at a bar. And when I met Susan in grad school, we spent our first beer outing talking for literally hours about academia and arms and loving Ryan Adams, and it has turned into a serious friend affair.
Which is all to say, okay, I'm new to this ladyfriends thing, but The Frisky's Girl (Friend) Code is confusing to me. Some advice is good and funny--"Babysit to give a necessary breather." and "Online stalk your friend's crush and/or ex with her, as long as it doesn't get too crazy."--but other parts just have me wondering: do friends really need to be told not to do some of this to each other?
For example, "Tell her when it's time to stop plucking her brows." I understand a little beauty-crit if she asks for it, but this implies that you, Awesome Fashion Lady, cannot be seen in friendship with someone with ugly brows/hair/shoes/whatever, and you need to tell your friends so. You know what? I love Susan even in her "teacher clothes," i.e. Danskos. And I hope she loves me even in sparkly, stripper-green eyeshadow up to my brows.
Similarly, "Don't let your friends go out if they look horrible." If I obeyed this rule with my girlfriends, I would never have had even one delicious, mascara-smeared brunch with Bloody Marys and night-before horror stories.
And this: "Always be wiling to pass her a tampon." What kind of asshole are you if you have a tampon and your best friend needs one, but you won't give her one? Seriously?
Then, there's "Don't rub your new guy in her single face." Because all single women are sad and on the prowl, and seeing a friend with a boyfriend will no doubt send a BFF into a spiral of drugs and depression? Alternately, if a ladyfriend is being obnoxious and gloating about her boyfriend, it might be time to back off from the relationship, anyway. Or, you know, just speak up and tell her what's wrong and talk it out.
And then there are a whole bunch of common-sense, just-being-a-good-normal-person pieces of code:
Don't tell your friends' secrets.If you really need those last three pieces of advice, I wonder if you even have friends.
Don't bail by sending a text message 15 minutes before you're supposed to be somewhere.
Don't gossip about your friends.
In fact, Susan and I have been compiling a list of friendship rules over the course of knowing each other. So far, we have "No throwing fits in public" and "Lie to me," as in, if you do some dumb but harmless things you know I'll roll my eyes at, just keep it to yourself.
Dolls, do you have friendship rules with your buds?