Posted at 5:00 AM Feb 01, 2010
By Andrea Grimes
|New York Times|
|This is Michael Cera in the NEW YORK TIMES, for chrissake.|
Geeky, dorky, nerdy--yes, there are distinctions to be made between these words. But for the sake of today's list, let us merely draw a couple of lines: there are things that are cool, and then there are things that are not. And then there are things that are "not cool" that are actually "cool" because somebody decided they were "not cool."
I'm prepared to call bullshit on anyone who claims geekiness based on the ownership of, affinity for or collection containing anything on this list. Because this is a list of "geeky" things that are not geeky, so quit acting like they're geeky. If you like this shit, you are cool. Full stop.
(This list is by no means exhaustive--please add your own "geeky" items in the comments.)
10. Michael Cera
Michael Cera is a fucking movie star who dicks around with the guys from Jersey Shore for fun. Yes, he may play an awkward, pseudo-adorable dork in every last one of his pictures, and he may even act like one in "real life" when he is being interviewed on television and on the internet. But I am here to tell you that Michael Fucking Cera is a Fucking Movie Star, and there is nothing geeky about being a fucking movie star, so quit acting like Michael Fucking Cera is geeky, and that goes for the shit he does, too.
American Hipster Fucking Apparel sells fake eyeglasses. The next person who tells me they are dorky because they wear glasses gets a swirlie, and their books knocked out of their hands, and their lunch money stolen, and a swift damned kick to their stupid, cool face.
8. Harper's, The New Yorker, The Atlantic Monthly, The Paris Review, McSweeney's, The Believer, etc.
If you have a better than 20 percent chance you're going to run into Dave Eggers or someone that dude parties with in the pages of a given publication, that publication is full of self-congratulatory literary wunderkinds who spend their evenings jacking off onto said publications with a single-malt whiskey in one hand. People who do that are cool, and so are the people who want to read what those people have to say. (Editors at these publications: I trust this tiny paragraph on this tiny corner of the internet won't affect my repeated pleas for employment. I really want to jack off with a single malt whiskey in one hand.)
7. Robots, zombies, unicorns, ligers and ninjas
These things are simultaneously adorable and potentially deadly. They may have a hard time making friends because of the deadly part, but that doesn't have anything to do with them being smelly, socially awkward or avid D&D players. Not geeky. Insanely popular and mostly well-liked. Not. Geeky.
6. National Public Radio
NPR is just good journalism. It's not geeky to like good journalism. It's smart. And smart != geeky, any more than stupid = cool.