Posted at 4:05 PM Jan 20, 2010By Andrea Grimes
There is one thing, however, that is true that needs telling that is, perhaps, tacky: undergraduate dudes wear way too much cologne. Jersey Shore levels of cologne. But instead of wearing said smells out to the seaside or a club, they're here in Austin on packed buses, in crowded lecture halls and tiny classrooms.
Thus, my question to the internets is this: is it rude, inappropriate or creepy of me to tell a young guy when he smells like Calvin Klein jizz-bombed CK all over his Longhorns hoodie before handing him over to Tommy Hilfiger, who proceeded to give him a prolonged and vigorous swirly in a toilet filled with Tommy For Men? You know, in so many words.
I am not, for the record, one of those people who can't walk through the perfume aisles of department stores. I wear perfume or smelly-good lotion every day, myself. But this morning, I very nearly bailed off a packed bus to campus because the guy I was standing next to smelled so incredibly strong. I can't imagine any lady (or man, if that was his game) finding that attractive.
I propose looking at it from the "something in your teeth" angle. I'd like to be told if I had a big hunk of spinach on my front tooth or if I was trailing TP on my shoe. I'd also like to be told if I smelled so strong those standing next to me felt the inclination to hold their breath for minutes on end or risk public vomming.
Presumably dudes are doing this to make themselves more attractive to others--but if you can't stand within a couple feet of someone without their nostrils burning, how are you ever going to get close enough to them to tell them you want to be tied up and called Timmy? I mean, I guess you could just yell that out loud, but that might send the wrong message.
The next time I encounter one of these fragrant dudes--invariably 18 or 19 years old, invariably fresh-faced and bushy-tailed--would I be out of line to say some version of, "That's quite a cologne you have on, but it's really strong. Maybe next time cut back on the overall amount." In a pleasant, friendly and sisterly way. A way that says "I want you to have the sex, sir, but you are doing yourself a disservice." Or am I asking to be told off like the gripey, old, lady-fuddy-duddy I am?