Posted at 1:25 PM Jan 05, 2010
By Andrea Grimes
I have no ass. Zero. Flat as a pancake. And if I stand comfortably, with my legs hyper-extended (as they do and it is super-creepy, let me assure you), I have a negative ass. Concave. For the past 15 years or so, it has made buying jeans that fit hard, and more recently, nearly impossible.
It was easier when I was thinner--buying tiny jeans that squeeze on a tall, boy-shaped body is challenging, but now that I'm a grown-ass curvy woman (except for that ass part) with hips and thighs, every pair of jeans that fits my waist and my legs and my height has a big ole baggy buttsack.
I would buy a Booty Pop, and I don't care who knows it. I want a pair of pants that fit. End. Of. Story. Wrap it in pink unicorns and Brad Pitt and babies and shoes and eyeliner and glitter, I don't give a flying feminist eff. My pants: I want them to fit.