10 Best and Worst Places to Get Dumped

Posted at 5:00 AM Jan 19, 2010

By Andrea Grimes

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It may not be true that an inordinate number of relationships end around Valentine's Day, but when there's an entire bullshit holiday dedicated to making single people feel bad and, let's be honest here, most people in relationships feel even worse, it sure seems that way. The January-February relationship black hole is a scary time; you hang on to people you might not like all that much just so you can get through the holiday party circuit or avoid a scuffle before family time. But then you can't dump them right before Valentine's Day, because that's just mean. And then you find it's March, and you're wearing a Leprechaun hat and going drinking with this person you meant to dump 4 months ago.

It is time to cut the cord. If you're going to dump your s.o., do it now, and here are the five best and five worst places to do so.

Five Worst Places To Get Dumped

The Dallas Observer

To be fair, Fuel City in Dallas is the best truck stop ever.

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5. A truck stop

A lot of things end at truck stops: months of sobriety, your drug smuggling business, that pact you had with yourself not to eat hot dogs any more. A relationship should not be among these things. "Sparkling Clean Restrooms!" or no, getting dumped in a land of diesel and Doritos is humiliating. Also, why in the world are you getting dumped at a truck stop? Were you on a road trip that went awry? Your partner just couldn't take it any more on the way home from the outlet mall and decided to take the half-price Mikasa home and leave you with Bud and Tammy and Ole' Schnook? Things are looking down for you, friend. Real down.

4. A coffee shop

Nobody goes to a coffee shop to mind their own business. People go to coffee shops to mind everyone else's business. Which means that if you're going to end a relationship over a latte (and by this I mean "while drinking a latte" not "dump someone because of a latte"), you are going to have little to no privacy while doing it. Additional problem: throwing a martini or an iced sweet tea on your new ex is tacky and satisfying, but throwing a near-boiling-hot cappuccino on them is a good way to get sent to jail.

3. 1950's America

On the off-chance you have a time machine, don't move back to the 1950's with your significant other and dump them there, especially if you are a dude and your s.o. is a lady above, say, age 22. In the heyday of the Leave It To Beaver family, a dude might have been able to get by as a swingin' bachelor. But a ditched lady is going to be That Woman, especially if it's a divorce. Added bonus: thanks to the advertisement and PSA's of the day, one can be sure that one's singlehood would be blamed on poor hygiene and bad skin (if you're a man) or your inability to make coffee (if you're a woman.) Ouch.

2. At a major sporting event

Going to a sporting event is already a set-up for potential heartbreak; unless you're, say, a Bulls fan circa 1995, there's a fair chance your team could lose at any moment. And when you're paying $9 for canned-cheese nachos, so much could go wrong already. A relationship that's already teetering on the rocks has no business being at a major sporting event. You could be shown bawling on the Jumbotron or merely annoy everyone sitting around you with your shameless bickering. Get through the game together, or go home.

1. School

Whether you were a queen bee or a nobody, the awkward teen years were hell on earth, with potential humiliation around every corner. Anyone who was dumped in the 'caf as a teen will attest: sitting through lunch period with nothing but a white bread sandwich to get you through the tough times is bad, but potentially running into your fresh ex in gym class is worse. And actually, running into your ex's mom is the very worst. Especially when you didn't know she was your ex yet: