Posted at 9:20 AM Dec 11, 2009
By Andrea Grimes
Natalie Portman is set to star in the film adaptation of a zombie-filled adaptation of Pride and Prejudice. I speak, of course, of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. According to Variety:
Given Natalie Portman's elegant demeanor, a turn in a period Jane Austen adaptation was inevitable. Portman will star in and produce "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies," a film that is based on the bestselling book written by Seth Grahame-Smith and Austen. Lionsgate will finance and distribute. Quirk Books published the tome.I would be more inclined to describe Portman's demeanor as "rape apologist," but fine, I guess I'll take "elegant." (Remember kids, meat is rape!) Anyway, I was more than disappointed with Portman's lame-ass period attempt in The Other Boleyn Girl, and can think of some women I would way rather see slay zombies in empire-waisted gowns:
Though Austen's name is on the book, Grahame-Smith took the liberty of adding bloodthirsty flesh-eating zombies to the mix.
- Courtney Love - not only would I love to see someone try to get her to wear a floor-length gown for more than a few seconds, but she would potentially out-crazy the flesh-eating zombies.
- Kate Gosselin - with eight kids surrounding her, she can basically use them as eight kicking, screaming shields.
- Lady Gaga - her ridiculously awesome fashion sense makes her a shoo-in for this role. If Jane Austen and zombies can go together, surely they need someone who makes turning her hair into a giant bow look effortless.
- LiLo - She's already pretty good with knives.