The Top 10 Most Annoying People at the Mall During the Holidays
Posted at 5:00 AM Dec 22, 2009
By Andrea Grimes
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| flickr/gomattolson |
Yeah, yeah, it's a recession. Yeah, yeah, we're all doing Secret Santa and drawing names and being all frugal and crap this year. Whatever. Unless you're one of those jerks who has the wherewithal to start internet shopping early enough to not have to pay out the ass for delivery-by-Christmas, you're probably hitting the mall last-minute to get gifts for all those assholes you know you aren't supposed to be getting a gift for but who you know will have just a "little something" for you and won't you look like a big assface when you show up emptyhanded?
Between the months of January and October, I love the mall. But when the holidays roll around, the place becomes a madhouse of monumental proportion. A madhouse full of mad-people who make the idea of swift, painless homicide seem more than charitable. Especially if I don't get my big choco-chip from the cookie stand. I love you, cookie stand.
Now. hold still, perfume salesperson, this won't hurt a bit ....
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| flickr/gomattolson |
10. The retail employee who cheerfully wants to know, as you're being rung up, if you have all your Christmas shopping done now?
I am at the mall 2 days before Christmas. What the shit do you think?
9. The retail employee at the phone kiosk who wants you to change your wireless plan.
Woe be to the shopper who makes eye contact with the mobile phone kiosk people. You cannot walk away. You will be chased, with please of "unlimited minutes" and "free texting." Who comes to the mall, at Christmas time, to deal with the hassle not of signing up for a new phone--hey, that could be a gift!--but to change their existing wireless plan on a whim? Mobile phone kiosk person, you are asking me if I want to stand in this busy, loud hallway for 45 minutes while you're on the phone to corporate seeing if you can get me a sweet deal for changing carriers, as wayward stroller-pushing families abuse my toes and children run willy-nilly into my shopping bags, filling them with their spit and germs? I hate, hate, hate AT&T and yet, at the moment you ask me to change my wireless plan, I would marry AT&T in an overpriced destination wedding and promise to have all its babies.
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8. The local news
Ah, the incredulous Christmas shopping news story: It's Christmas!? The mall is bustling!? People are spending money!? This will allow newspersons to make completely unfounded claims about the state of the economy!? Go back to the station, local newspeople, and wait until I've (inevitably, if this line doesn't hurry up) shot someone to come back. You're taking up good parking spaces.
7. Teenagers
Isn't there a hotel swimming pool or back alley of an abandoned shopping strip teenagers can hang out in for a month while the rest of us encroach upon their sacred territory? These kids have the whole year to walk pointlessly up and down the mall trying to make eyes at hotties from other schools. Just let us have the holidays. Please. I know it's hard to do without Hot Topic for that long, but think of it as, like, Lent. With less Team Edward posters and vinyl pants. That's what Lent is about, right?
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6. Unescorted men in Victoria's Secret
Are you a dude who wants to buy his lady some sexy things? Awesome. If you can't bring her with you, this is a great time to hire that prostitute, because unescorted men inside Victoria's Secret look lost, sad and creepy. Get your new "lady friend" to accompany you around the store whilst you try and understand bra sizing systems (let me know if you figure them out, because I don't have a clue) and you'll look a lot less like a skeevbag when you "accidentally" make eye contact with ladies loading up on lotion and panties. This is why online shopping exists. And sex offender lists.
Comments
That reminds me.
I should start my shopping.
Posted 12/22/2009 at 08:34:37 AMOkay, so I'm number 4, but the &**(^&$#%(Q#*$& woman just wouldn't pull out of the *&(#@$^ parking space. I waited on principle, and also to give her the evil eye. She was making a phone call, bless her dear little heart. After I park and get out of the car you can bust my ass all you like. At least I have a parking space.
I hate Christmas so much because of all these people. I remember going to the mall on Black Friday and there was a grown woman huddled in a corner in the fetal position. I didn't blame her either. I went out to pick up lunch for a few people at the office and there was someone DIRECTING TRAFFIC AT THE CHICK-FIL-A DRIVE-THRU LINE. WTF. WFT. WTF.
Posted 12/22/2009 at 12:00:18 PMAlso, people who wait until Christmas week to buy "the hot computer game" for their kids.
Posted 12/22/2009 at 12:39:31 PMLook we have no "Just Dance", it came out months ago but no one bought it because it sucked, if you wanted it that badly you should have got it when it first came out!!!
The worst thing is, the delivery with new copies of "Just Dance" comes on Christmas Eve, may every God and omnipotent being help us!
I disagree, the number 1 most annoying people at the mall is ultimately YOU! Yes that's right I am talking about YOU!
Posted 12/22/2009 at 08:36:51 PMAs a cashier, I can say with confidence that I currently hate everybody. Christmas is worse than Black Friday. Black Friday is one day of hell. Christmas is a week of it.
Posted 12/22/2009 at 08:40:14 PMAre we really at the point of immaturity as a society that men aren't allowed in a lingerie store alone? That's ridiculous. Grow up. Be a man. Go wherever the hell you want.
Posted 12/22/2009 at 09:04:18 PMugh!...this list feels like it was made just for me...why???..i went shopping today morning..awful..just awful...where is the joy??
Posted 12/22/2009 at 09:07:12 PMthe customer like you who makes life miserable for the employee making minimum wage and trying to do his job
Posted 12/22/2009 at 09:29:42 PMHere is hate. I once had a sister-in-law that not only had her shopping done in Sept, but had the stuff wrapped and tagged and hid in a closet. We are not speaking of just one year, but every year.
And she was a neat freak. Believe this or not, I once stopped by to pick her up and she was DUSTING THE TREE TRUNK, in her front yard.
Posted 12/22/2009 at 09:31:42 PMGot all my shopping done. Glad it's over with for another year.
Posted 12/22/2009 at 10:15:45 PMI agree with Debrevis. Your #6 sucks in an otherwise bland list. It takes courage for a guy to go into a lingerie store and buy his girl something. The man who does that is a hell of a lot better than the twit who buys his significant other a friggin' gift card.
If you want annoying at Christmas, try getting around the people with shopping carts who start up a conversation in the middle aisle of the stores, or the ones who monopolize clerks to explore every single option on their purchase when you know exactly what you want and have one specific question.
Posted 12/22/2009 at 10:38:58 PMGaah,Its X'mas Eve here and getting all hectic.
Posted 12/22/2009 at 11:00:28 PMPeople who run into other people they know and then blab-blab-blab in the middle of a busy hall or isle. Hey idiots...move it!!!
Posted 12/22/2009 at 11:09:54 PMMy pet peeve: shoplifters!! my time in retail has shown that this time of year is peak for shoplifting and it is my job to fill in where jimminy cricket took the day off. isn't it a little TOO naughty to give a stolen present to someone for christmas??? here is a hint - if you cant afford it, you don't get it.you don't deserve it just because you want it! people have no self respect anymore!
Posted 12/22/2009 at 11:20:20 PMIn defense of #10, it's an obvious icebreaker that produces some bit of conversation that would probably otherwise be silence. Plus, they're just trying to be friendly...
Posted 12/22/2009 at 11:48:30 PMWhat's worse than unescorted dudes at Victorias secret , the dude that brings another male friend , hillarious what do u think
Posted 12/22/2009 at 11:52:25 PMOf these on my girl
Anyone who uses a trolley or pram like one would use a bulldozer. I like my feet how they are thank you very much.
Posted 12/23/2009 at 02:35:04 AMThese should be added to the list:
1. People who think the customer is always right even on black friday
2. People who bring their annoying children in the store with them
3. When entire family plus their extended family go shopping together
4. People who not capable of putting their shopping cart in the damn cart corral
5. People who write checks and People who pay in cash
Posted 12/23/2009 at 03:51:16 AMas for the perfume people do what i do. go buy yourself a can of "fart spray" sold at any joke shop that matters.
when ever they ask would you like to try this perfume.
you turn around and ask them the same thing then spray them with said "fat spray" i have never ound anything worse smelling than fart spray asside from the smell of rotting flesh.
Posted 12/23/2009 at 03:59:59 AMSomewhere on that list belongs my number one pet peeve... People that stop walking or mosey along ever so slowly, five abreast, blocking the entire damned walking area.
Posted 12/23/2009 at 05:33:16 AMIn defense of #10, it's an obvious icebreaker that produces some bit of conversation that would probably otherwise be silence. Plus, they're just trying to be friendly.....
Posted 12/23/2009 at 06:49:59 AMYou've missed the most important annoyance of all time. The middle-of-the-mall-walkway-stopper.
This is a husband, child, teenager, geriatric, you name it - they all do it. It usually goes down like this, you're walking through the mall, minding your own business, checking out the sights and sounds when - BAM!
The people in walking in front of you drop anchor and come to a complete stop. Just a complete halt in progress. Just so they can decide whether or not they want to go inside a store. You stutter-step and juke to the left or right, sometimes breaking the lovely hand-holding you an your special person were enjoying so you can split them down the middle, just to get around them.
They've basically just created a 19 person people-pile-up on the mall freeway - and there's no justice. No justice at all.
Why can't I flying-knee these people in the back? Instead of altering my pace, stutter-stepping around them, why can't I increase my rate of movement and lunge knee-first at the small of their back? Societal norms, that's why. Fucking chaos if you ask me.
Posted 12/23/2009 at 07:11:16 AMHa, this is great. Oh, and thank you for saying the part about victorias secret. I work there and if the guy knows what he wants, great but at least do some research. and theres nothing more awkward then a guy whos supposedly shopping for his woman who tells you that you should model the lingerie because you would get more business that way...
lol, again, this was hilarious :-)
Posted 12/23/2009 at 08:53:46 AMThe worst by far has to be those tards that hold up parking lot traffic waiting for grandma to load her car. Honestly I know most of these folks are fat and obese, but that's even more reason they need to walk there butts further than the rest of us. People are so self centered this time of year and do stupid things like this. Honestly if the person doesn't have their car started and isn't in the process of backing out, don't wait!! There are tons of other parking spots, no need to hold up traffic just so you can get one.
Posted 12/23/2009 at 12:07:37 PMWhen you described #5 I was picturing someone at the storefront, crosswalk, fire lane, what have you. That shit is annoying. Someone using their parking space is not annoying. They got the space, and there is no time limit on it. The real fucks are the #4s. No, I take that back, the real fuck is the blogger who honestly has nothing better to do than pull their hair out stressing about something they have no control over.
Posted 12/23/2009 at 01:55:35 PMugh. i need to finish my very little shoppin tomorrow. Mall... here i come.
Posted 12/23/2009 at 02:44:11 PMfuck.
please != pleas
Posted 12/23/2009 at 03:28:25 PMI wouldn't know, I don't go to the mall this time of year!
Posted 12/25/2009 at 09:12:19 PMsorry I disagree.. I don't think they are annoying..
Posted 01/06/2010 at 10:49:42 PMno shopping required for me lol
Posted 01/18/2010 at 08:44:02 AMbecause too far from mall :D