Sad Bastard of the Week: you decide who's the saddest bastard!
Posted at 1:33 PM Dec 29, 2009
By Andrea Grimes
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Oftentimes, it's the little things that pile up and make everything seem like one big disaster. Especially over the holidays. Family, food, booze, houseguests, finances ... behold, the many straws on the camel's back. So it's no wonder that this week in sad bastardry is more of an accumulation of little shitty situations than one, glaring big one.
And so to you, dear readers, I put a vote. Who shall be our advice-seeking Sad Bastard of the Week?
Will it be the Dear Judy reader who kind of wants to pry a pretty dress off her grandmother's dead body?
It's floor-length, silk, and it still shimmers when you move. I know because I've put it on (she told me to try and see if it fit. And it did. I look great in it).
She always said it was mine when she died, and I believed her. Now she tells me she wants to be buried in it when she dies. She has high blood pressure that is out of control and a very bad heart, so I guess it won't be long.
Should I say something about the dress? I love my grandmother, but it's such a waste to bury it. It really is beautiful.
Or will it be the Savage Love reader whose boyfriend's dick smells like ... rotten dick?
My boyfriend of six months has a weird dick-area odor. It's worse after a long day, but it's there even after he showers. It's this sickly sweet rotting smell that makes it hard for me to give him oral. Even jacking him off can be tough when I get a whiff. In all the years I've been sexually active, I've never smelled anything like this.Arguments for dead dress gal:
Arguments for stankdick gal:
- Her grandmother is on the brink of death. That's sad.
- She is mainly concerned about whether she will get a pretty dress. That's sadder.
- Either way, it sounds like a great dress will go to someone who can't appreciate it because they're dead, or can't appreciate it because they're vapid.
What say you, Dolls?
- Her boyfriend's penis smells disgusting. That's sad.
- Did we mention the part where the funparts smell bad?
- Aghghghghghg.
Comments
No contest, stankdick. Seriously, unless she is in his crotch daily how does she know it reeks all the time? If it smells so bad that it can be detected within arms length of the guy 24/7 get the man to the doctor. And the nicotine patch.
Posted 12/29/2009 at 02:53:27 PMSeriously, skankdick wins. He needs to see a doctor quick because if she smells it, everyone does...
Posted 12/29/2009 at 03:07:21 PMI would say the stinky winky wins, too. And on behalf of men everywhere, even those who refuse to see doctors unless blood is spurting or a bone is showing, if you tell him his junk stinks so much that you won't touch him, he'll seek help. Yes, it's embarrassing to hear that you have dick odor, but no sane man would give up the girl who said that was all that was keeping her from going down there more often. You don't need to write advice columnists about it.
Posted 12/30/2009 at 06:32:41 AMI say go with the dress, I am interested in the response. Stankdick will just be "tell him to wash it more, and try holding your breath" of course told in the funny savage love way.
Posted 12/30/2009 at 03:56:49 PMOh, dress-lady, definitely. Personally, I see her as one of those people in those old Tales From the Crypt stories who cause their own downfall through their own selfishness.
Posted 12/31/2009 at 07:55:26 PM