Sad Bastard of the Week: Blaming the victim (again!)
Posted at 8:30 AM Dec 01, 2009
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Sorry, Lucinda. While your concept of friendship is completely skewed (see: shut up and don't console your friend when her husband insults her mercilessly because she might like it, in fact, don't even ask if she does), the Chicago Tribune's "Ask Amy" Dickenson's concept of whose fault it is when someone gets raped is beyond the pale. Writes "Victim?" in Virginia:
I recently attended a frat party, got drunk and made some bad decisions. I let a guy take me to "his" room because he promised that he wouldn't do anything I wasn't comfortable with. Many times, I clearly said I didn't want to have sex, and he promised to my face that he wouldn't. Then he quickly proceeded to go against what he "promised." I was shocked, and maybe being intoxicated made my reaction time a bit slow in realizing what was happening. We were soon kicked out of the room by the guy who lived there, who was pretty angry.Amy wastes no time in giving this dumb, drunk slut the what-for:
I guess my question is, if I wasn't kicking and fighting him off, is it still rape? I feel like calling it that is a bit extreme, but I haven't felt the same since it happened. Am I a victim?
Were you a victim? Yes. First, you were a victim of your own awful judgment. Getting drunk at a frat house is a hazardous choice for anyone to make because of the risk (some might say a likelihood) that you will engage in unwise or unwanted sexual contact.Ugh. Yes, getting drunk at a frat house is a terrible idea. Mainly because they play terrible music, there's puke everywhere and you'll probably be stuck drinking Natty. It is not, however, reasonable to expect that getting drunk at a frat house will result in your being raped, which is what we call "unwanted sexual contact" here in the real world.
You don't say whether the guy was also drunk. If so, his judgment was also impaired.See, when guys get drunk, their judgment is "impaired." When girls get drunk they have "awful judgment" and engage in "hazardous choices" and might "engage in unwise or unwanted sexual contact."
No matter what -- no means no. If you say no beforehand, then the sex shouldn't happen. If you say no while its happening, then the sex should stop.Just remember, it was your awful judgment that put you in this position.
Amy, why couldn't you have opened with this advice? Oh, right. Because drunk sluts and stuff. Bad judgment. I mean, if we can't blame the victim, who can we blame? Certainly not the rapist, whom we have to ask if he felt like he raped someone:
According to the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network Web site (rainn.org):
"Alcohol and drugs are not an excuse -- or an alibi. The key question is still: Did you consent or not? Regardless of whether you were drunk or sober, if the sex is nonconsensual, it is rape. However, because each state has different definitions of "nonconsensual," please contact your local center or local police if you have questions about this. (If you were so drunk or drugged that you passed out and were unable to consent, it was rape. Both people must be conscious and willing participants.)"
You must involve the guy in question in order to determine what happened and because he absolutely must take responsibility and face the consequences for his actions, just as you are prepared to do. He may have done this before.Like, if you've got the guy's number or something, just call him up and and "determine what happened." I'm sure he'll be like, yeah, I totally raped you, and I am now going to go turn myself in and take consequences for my actions. Don't forget, though, you have to face the consequences of your actions, which were getting drunk at a frat party and basically raping yourself.
Remember, ladies, it is your responsibility not to get raped by staying sober, wearing sweatpants and not going out after dark, ever. I mean, gawd, why would we put faith in men not to take any opportunity to commit acts of sexual violence? Hahahahaha. Funny joke. Fun-ny.
Comments
"... involve the guy... He may have done this before." That sounds like a good reason NOT to involve the guy!
Girl: "I know I was drunk and I said no, but you had sex with me anyway. Is that rape?"
Boy: "Oh, no! If it was rape, like the last time I did it, you'd have been balled up in the corner crying. But since we got kicked out of the room before you could get to that stage, it's not rape."
Girl: "Oh, good. As long as this time, it wasn't rape."
Next piece of advice: if you are shot by a random bullet by a crazed gunman in a mall, please approach the gunman and ask if he really meant to hit you, or was this a hilarious accident. That will be the difference between "attempted murder" and "whoops, my bad. HAHA!"
Posted 12/01/2009 at 10:07:44 AMI am so glad you picked up on this one. I stood up and started shouting at the computer when I read it, and wanted to strangle this woman.
She's no Lucinda, but she does give cruddy advice sometimes; this is worse than normal.
Posted 12/01/2009 at 10:14:13 AMExactly Andrea. You said it in your last sentence. THANK YOU!
We must understand there are men out there watching and waiting to come in for the kill, and by not taking responsibility in our understanding of that, we do put ourselves at risk.
We're not talking about evolved men, we're talking about the predatory male, and when we aren't responsible for our own safety, we can and do, put ourselves in danger, because the PM, doesn't wear a neon signature lapel pin telling the world he's a PM.
They're out there. This ain't a Disney movie. It doesn't make the PM irresponsible for his actions or less guilty. We just need to be cool on the danger it puts us in when we are naive and drive drunk.
Posted 12/01/2009 at 01:01:40 PMWhat really steams me is how I've seen cases like this turn out (at least in my county - Dallas). Because the woman is "impaired" and didn't physically fight off her "attacker" it is not considered assault or "forced entry" - they both get a slap on the wrist and some kind of class on responsible behavior or self esteem shit but there's no physical sign of rape - so he's off.
Is this the same everywhere?
Posted 12/01/2009 at 03:47:27 PMnext, amy advices all girls to wear a burka. beacause, well, if they don't, they're sluts, of course, and only out to rouse the members of the male gland to do a bit more of the raping...
Posted 12/01/2009 at 03:57:12 PMYES! Burkas. How sweet to be able to jump into a walking tent on mornings after salty food too much booze and bad hair All you got to do is keep the kohl liner pencil sharp.
Nasty dancing with enough cocktail (why you think they call it that) under your push up bra, in the back room where the tough boys play pool, just knowing it wasn't your fault and you have the right to wear your tight ass mini into the center of hell if you want, might not really make up for the rough action from one tough guy or a gang with the collective brain of a cyclops.
Posted 12/01/2009 at 08:36:54 PM