Sad Bastard of the Week: Amy Dickinson ought to be ashamed
Posted at 8:09 AM Dec 08, 2009
By Andrea Grimes |
Today's response to the outraged readers (and there are many of us, and a damned petition to boot) of your Nov. 27 "advice" column wherein you blamed "Victim?" for being raped is possibly worse than the original response to the victim, wherein you chided her for her "awful judgment."
Today, you summarize her situation thusly:
"After saying in advance that she didn't want to have sex, she did have sex."Actually, this is what happened:
AFTER SAYING IN ADVANCE THAT SHE DIDN'T WANT TO HAVE SEX, SHE WAS RAPED.
You also say:
"I certainly didn't intend to offend or blame her for what happened, and I hope she will do everything possible to stay safe in the future."Telling people to use good judgment is fine. But putting the burden on women not to be raped--which is what you're doing here--is not fine. Especially since your version of "staying safe" appears to be never imbibing alcohol or going to a party.
The fact that you still can't get away from your defensive, knee-jerk reaction to this woman's terrible situation is apalling, especially as someone who presents herself as a thoughtful advice columnist.
Best,
Andrea
Comments
It could be worse. Is she blaming the victim for wearing provocative clothing yet? Because if her legs are showing, she's clearly asking for it!
Posted 12/08/2009 at 09:19:15 AM:(
Kevin, just because "it could be worse" doesn't mean that kind of behavior is ok.
Amy may not be a crackshot advice columnist, but I really think she must have handed the reins over to Rosenfeld that week.
Posted 12/08/2009 at 10:12:53 AMOf course it doesn't. I was commiserating.
Posted 12/08/2009 at 10:51:19 AM@Kevin, yeah that is (unfortunately) usually the excuse. The Women's Health Centre in my old hometown developed and handed out cards at festivals that showed the length of garment on a woman, and the usual excuse that a rapist uses. For example, an ankle-length hemline had the caption "She obviously wants someone to look at what she's hiding under there." The point of the cards was to say that despite the clothes someone is wearing, there is no excuse for rape, and that 'safe' clothing won't protect you from being a target. They also had an awareness campaign to point out that gender won't save you from being raped. The campaigns they ran promoted safe/commonsense behaviour at parties.
Posted 12/08/2009 at 04:21:26 PMHeartless Doll - I love you rage and share it, I hope this "advice" person gets shitcanned.
Posted 12/08/2009 at 09:54:12 PMI do agree this needed to be addressed again.
But I thought for sure this weeks Sad Bastard was going to be the women who asked Dear Prudence how she could approach her bi-polar bother to determine if he killed that hitchhiker she brought home that one time.
maybe next week.
Posted 12/09/2009 at 12:36:17 PMFrom what I saw, she told the girl that sex without consent is rape, and that it doesn't matter how drunk you are. Yeah, she started with getting-drunk-at-frat-parties-is-a-kinda-stupid-thing-to-do, (which is true, believe it or not), but she finished by telling her to seek information and help locally) I didn't get the impression that she thought the girl deserved it, she was just indicating that some situations pose a higher risk of getting raped and it might be a good idea to stay out of said situations.
It's a far cry from "she asked for it" to tell a girl take respoinsibility for her own life while trying to make sure the guy has to do the same (which she does suggest, which anyone who read past the incindary remarks would notice).
Posted 12/21/2009 at 03:43:28 AM