Sad Bastard of the Week: On the verge of virginity
Posted at 9:25 AM Dec 15, 2009
By Andrea Grimes
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Oh my, but there has been an awful lot of rape talk going on in Sad Bastard of the Week over the past few installments. So if you're feeling un-Christmasy and unsexy as a result, I suggest checking out the New York Times' Social Q's of last Friday, wherein you can speculate about whether it's mean to buy someone a small-sized gift you know won't fit them.
However, if you're primed for some spectacularly bad sex advice from the non-sex columnists at Annie's Mailbox (that's right, the women who believe adult men will "outgrow" sexual abuse), then settle in for The Case Of The Virgin Who Should Really Just Shut Up And Take It."Rather embarrassed in Minnesota" is 24, and she writes:
I know guys are interested in me. I have always turned them down because I never had any desire for a physical relationship. However, I talked to my doctor and am now taking hormones to correct the problem.
I recently met someone who interests me. If I take it to a physically intimate level, should I say anything about my inexperience? If so, what is the best way to have that conversation? I am afraid my extended period of celibacy might make a more experienced person nervous or turned off.
Let's see ... we could advise this girl to talk openly and honestly with her first partner about her situation, or seek counseling from local sexual health centers or her doctor or maybe advise her that having full sex isn't even a place she should worry about starting and that there are all kinds of wacky, below-and-around-and-above-the-belt things she can become comfortable with first. Heck she might even watch some non-corporate porn if she just wants to get an idea of what actual sex looks like.
Or, we could be Annie's Mailbox and set her up for major disappointment:
You are young enough that your status is not an issue. Many women your age and older are still virgins. More importantly, we guarantee men are not bothered by this, and in some instances, it will have the opposite effect. Most men like to believe they are your first. If you become intimate, it's OK to say you don't have prior experience. The guy will take it from there.So really, all "Really embarrassed" needs to tell her partner is that she's a virgin, and he'll be super turned-on because most men have some kind of biological (I guess?) obsession with screwing virgins (I mean, if women have nothing to compare it to, you're the best they've ever had!) and it's way more important to make sure men "believe" the thing that will turn them on the most, whether or not it makes you comfortable or is actually true. So just say you don't have any "prior experience" (talking about your sexuality as if it's a job interview is always advisable) and let him take it from there! Just lay back and think of England, girl!
Comments
Apparently helping the girl enjoy sex isn't important advice. Just teaching her to fiddle through it is enough. Thanks Annie's Mailbox!
Posted 12/15/2009 at 11:06:25 AMI like the letter from the sex therapist, if the wife isn't putting out at least 4 times a week wearing sexy underwear she doesn't really love her husband, he will watch porn and might divorce her.
Posted 12/15/2009 at 11:28:09 AMWhy can no advice columnists give any sort of useful, good advice? From the woman telling other women it is their fault if they get drunk and get raped to this person telling the woman to not claim any sort of agency in her first sexual encounter, I almost think all the advice givers pretty much hate women.
Posted 12/16/2009 at 08:39:21 AMright. just making the note here that i feel unpleasant about that woman taking hormones to "correct" her "problem."
as an asexual female, it makes me squick when i hear the absence of a sex drive referred to as a "problem." how can the lack of interest in breeding be bad? is sex really such an integral part of the human experience that anyone who does not feel the need to engage in it has something wrong with them?
ahem. not exactly pertinent, i know, but i had to mention that. carry on, folks.
Posted 12/17/2009 at 03:16:52 PMRaven -
You make a really excellent point, here. Here's hoping the woman genuinely wanted to see what it was like to have this desire and wasn't railroaded into it by outside forces. And if she still doesn't like it, here's also hoping she finds the resources she needs to not be prompted to "correct" herself any further.
Posted 12/17/2009 at 03:19:59 PM