Boys get the baby blues, too
Posted at 1:23 PM Dec 08, 2009
By Andrea Grimes
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What with all the press non-committal (read: "all") men are getting these days--they hate cheetahs! They only want to hook up!--what's the proper reaction to this New York Times case study by a doctor on postpartum depression in men? In the popular narrative, men basically hate women and are just barely doing us the favor of fucking us. So shouldn't we be more shocked by the man who is actually happy to have a baby, not the one who isn't?
The pregnancy was easy, the delivery a breeze. This was the couple's first baby, and they were thrilled. But within two months, the bliss of new parenthood was shattered by postpartum depression. A sad, familiar story. But this one had a twist: The patient who came to me for treatment was not the mother but her husband.
A few weeks after the baby arrived, he had become uncharacteristically anxious, sad and withdrawn. He had trouble sleeping, even though his wife was the one up at night breast-feeding their new son. What scared her enough to bring him to my office was that he had become suicidal.
My little lady-mind doesn't understand, New York Times! Aren't all boys scared of settling down and only concerned with fucking and running? If dudes hate commitment and families and especially the women who hold them down and force them to have these things, shouldn't postpartum depression in men be expected rather than surprising?
Basically, hormonal changes happen to men to. Just like emotions do. Just like parenthood does. And everything that comes with it. Gawd, you'd almost start to think that men were actually human, instead of just khakis-obsessed dicks with legs.Unlike women, men are not generally brought up to express their emotions or ask for help. This can be especially problematic for new fathers, since the prospect of parenthood carries all kinds of insecurities: What kind of father will I be? Can I support my family? Is this the end of my freedom?
And there is probably more to male postpartum depression than just social or psychological stress; like motherhood, fatherhood has its own biology, and it may actually change the brain.
Comments
Andrea, to suggest that us men have feelings is ridiculas. I have two children and was so proud when all I felt was dead inside when they were born.....SRSLY Being a new dad is freaking hard, and the guys who can talk about it are going to be better fathers. A lot about parenthood needs to become less romanticed in popular thinking, its hard and not always a lot of fun. Oh wait, I just put on my khakis - now I feel better and no longer have feelings, I AM ALL THAT IS MAN.
Posted 12/08/2009 at 10:01:47 PMI have to agree with Bink. Everyone knows that all male emotional problems can be solved by shouting "Stop being a wussy!" in the man's face. I also agree that those fathers who understand the difficulties involved in raising children and can discuss it make better dads in the long run.
Posted 12/09/2009 at 07:32:11 AM