Would you like some simulated fellatio with your coffee?
Posted at 1:23 PM Nov 24, 2009
By Andrea Grimes
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Good Morning America viewers won't be getting cream in their pants when they're putting cream in their coffee, thanks to the recently announced cancellation of American Idol Adam Lambert's upcoming appearance on the morning show. I'm disappointed, and not just because I'm as happy playing grab-crotch at 7 a.m. as I am at 7 p.m. According to the illustrious Us:
A source tells Us it was due to the American Idol alum's shocking showcase at Sunday night's American Music Awards, where he simulated fellatio with a male dancer, kissed his male keyboardist, grabbed his crotch and flipped off the crowd. "It was due to his performance and actions on stage," the source says. In a statement, an ABC spokeswoman said, "Given his controversial American Music Awards performance, we were concerned about airing a similar concert so early in the morning."I love it. ABC isn't outraged because of his homo-tastic crotch-grabbing fellatio simulation, they're just concerned about the ungodly hour for such a thing. I ask you, is there such a thing as an ungodly hour for fellatio? I guess on television, there is.
It's not as if network television has a great track record when it comes to sexuality (see Malfunction, Wardrobe), so no one ought to be very surprised that ABC is crapping their heteronormative pants over Lambert's potential to titillate middle class mothers or bored people at doctor's offices or whoever it is actually watches GMA. But the network obviously doesn't have a problem with the Madonna-and-Christina-smoocher Britney Spears grinding her sexualized body all over the GMA stage, but when gay Lambert does it, we've got to save the children?
So many double standards, so little time. If you're a straight woman who kisses other (straight!) women in classic male-gaze appeasement and in the name of sexying up your good-girl image, you're good to go. If you're a gay man who kisses other dudes in the name of sexying up your good-guy image, you're too hot for television. Heck, Lambert even experienced backlash when he was photographed kissing women. It's as if the mainstream public and media love their gays--as long as they're not, you know, doing the sex or anything remotely related to it.
The subject of the gay pop star came up in an anthropology of the performing arts class of mine the other day--can you dolls think of pop songs that explicitly deal with homosexuality and homosexual sex that have been major successes? There's Katy Perry's "Kissed A Girl" and ... um ... Bueller? And that song's not even about being lesbian, per se. Explicit and self-identified or authentic (if there is such a thing, which is debatable in a socio-bio-cultural kind of way) homosexuality has very little place in the mainstream, and Adam Lambert's performance (and lack thereof) proves it.
Comments
In "I Wanna Come Over" Melissa Ethridge mentions that her lover talked to a friend who said it was "some kind of sin" for them to be together. It's veiled, but it's totally gay.
I think the gay community will likely be ambivalent about Adam Lambert, but I totally like that he's just going to be gay, in the way that he defines that. I remember seeing an interview with him where he was like, "People were surprised I was gay? Really? I've been gay so long I feel like I don't even need to say it anymore." It was awesome.
Posted 11/24/2009 at 01:36:15 PMI'm sorry, you lost me after "hetereonormative pants."
Posted 11/24/2009 at 04:23:18 PM(snickers to self)
So, is that the new Dockers advertising slogan?
Oh, I wish I had the courag to go into Kohl's and ask, "Excuse me, where are your heteronormative pants? Size XXL, of course."
(still snickering)
Friggin' prudes.
He was just expresssing himself.
Me and some girls were talking about it at lunch.
You are totally right. If it were a woman up there doing it, then it would be totally safe. (Whatever! Like we need another Britney Spears prancing around half naked on a stage!)
Posted 11/24/2009 at 06:11:05 PMthat guy can simulate fellatio on my tv screen any hour he likes to :)
Posted 11/25/2009 at 07:16:17 AM"Well I'm not the world's most masculine man,
But I know what I am and I'm glad I'm a man,
And so is Lola!"
How could you forget Lola?
Fact of the matter is that sex is used all the time to sell things, whether it be a pop star or Pillsbury Muffins.
Posted 11/25/2009 at 07:44:03 AMObviously Mr. Lambert just needs to stop kissing people, male or female. Seriously though, I have yet to come across ANYONE who was offended by the performance, so I wish the three apparently very loud people that were would shut up. He sounded terrible (not on the album though, so definitely buy it), but other than that it wasn't anything life-threatening. Self-identity threatening, maybe. :)
Posted 11/25/2009 at 10:07:40 AMYou could say Electric Six's "Gay Bar" explicitly deals with homosexuality.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HTN6Du3MCgI
And Abraham Lincoln.
Posted 11/25/2009 at 11:40:42 AMI believe "Lola" is actually about a transvestite and therefore is a whole other kettle of fish.
Posted 11/28/2009 at 05:06:01 PM