Top 10 "Dealbreakers" In Honor Of Liz Lemon

Posted at 5:00 AM Nov 03, 2009

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By Merritt Martin

I'm a huge fan of 30 Rock. Like, I love it. But I didn't start watching until the second season after being told week after week that I was a lot like Liz Lemon--not Tina Fey, mind you, but her character. I finally had to see for myself. Sure enough, she loves sandwiches A LOT, blurts nonsensical words, considered a wedding dress without being engaged because it was on sale, has a pajama dance, wears unconventional bathing suits and more than made me feel like someone had a hidden camera on me. I felt somehow justified in my personal quirkiness. I don't doubt that many, many ladies feel the same way about America's Everylady. Liz Lemon is someone who is easy to identify with and easy to laugh at.

Last season, she and "TGS" earned attention for her catch-phrase, "That's a dealbreaker, ladies!" But in this season, we also saw that she is quite the controversial published author. Her book, Dealbreakers: The Girl's Guide to Shutting It Down was released (on episode "Into the Crevasse"), with much backlash from co-workers ... and a retail employee. (Don't worry, dudes get their turn on the Web site.) But, we support that those men (Pete, Frank, Tracy, etc.) were just pissed because Liz Lemon was right! Thus, we applaud the head writer and honor her with a list of our own Dealbreakers.

If Your Man ...

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10. Is married:

This one should be an obvious dealbreaker, but after watching Real Housewives of Atlanta's Kim go on and on about Big Poppa this past season, apparently we need to discuss it. Ladies, if he's married to someone else or isn't divorced, widowed or otherwise separated from his last relationship, break that deal right quick-like. If he's put a ring on someone else and it's still there, that's a dealbreaker.

9. Is over 30, lives with parents:

There are but few exceptions to this rule: Perhaps his house burned down or is being renovated. Those are temporary situations. Temporary situations are totally acceptable. Perhaps he's taking care of his invalid parent. Absolutely acceptable, even laudable. But if your prospective dude is comfortably kicking it in the basement (or his childhood room), paying no rent, eating Mom's food and "saving money" even though he keeps his car souped up or his entertainment center decked, you've got a dealbreaker ... that is, unless you want to become his new caregiver and meatloaf cooker.

8. Wears Crocs and isn't a nurse or Mario Batali:

No. Just no. If there is no good reason to wear rubber gardening clogs, they just shouldn't be worn. There are certain indications of fashion sense and taste, and wearing Crocs put a man in negative territory for both categories. If you see Crocs and he's not holding a hose or a stethoscope, that's a dealbreaker.

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7. Wears ironic hats, a la Judah Friedlander:

I'm borrowing 30 Rock's good ol' creepy Frank as an example for this one. Those hats are really only acceptable in the confines of Friedlander's shtick. And, you know, even then I think the shtick is cashed. I'd also like to exclude guys who wear "super-witty" T-shirts with things like "Enjoy Coca-Cola" logos replaced with "Enjoy Cock" and "Official Titty Inspector" (unless, of course, he officially holds the title. Kidding.). If his hat has a sense of unsuccessful irony, your deal is done broke.

6. Wears more gold or bedazzled accessories than you do:

Might as well get all the wearable dealbreakers over and done. On the show, Liz created a similar dealbreaker based on Tracy, who has a penchant for diamond encrusted pendants. I gotta side with her, too. If a man has on more jewelry than I do, I feel it's more flash over substance, more bling than brains. I guess I'm prone to this one since an ex once asked for a thick flat gold chain for Christmas. And, I might add, he didn't even look good in gold. There's just better shit to spend money on. If his shopping lists are more concerned with carats than carrots, that's a dealbreaker.