Top 10 Annoying and Obvious Reality TV Contestant Lines

Posted at 5:00 AM Nov 16, 2009

By Merritt Martin

​

We're nearing the end of some pivotal reality TV this week. Just Thursday we'll find out who--in fashion--is "in," aka, who wins the shittiest season of Project Runway. Wednesday we'll find out which shorty is Tyra's next witness for the defense. And then there's Top Chef (go Kevin!) and all those sluts on For the Love of Ray J. And no matter what time of the year, somewhere, stars are still dancing, Idols are auditioning and Jillian Michaels is scaring the fat off of Losers.

Some reality shows are awesome. Oh, hell, who am I even kidding? I will give any of them a shot, and actually do love several officially bad ones. But, I tend to prefer the shows that offer a prize to further a career or passion. I'm not talking Next Design Star or Next Food Network Star who just couple a hobby with a shot at TV hosting, but ones like Runway and even Sheer Genius or American Idol that offer money or a contract to keep on keepin' on.

After all these years, however, what I can really do without are the ultra-obvious statements--usually made during a talking head with a contestant--that are neither original nor necessary. This year, the prize for most reality contestant clichés goes to Robin on Top Chef, who in just one episode hit--if my count is correct--five of these doozies. Here's to you, lady. May others learn from you (and all the others), so that my relationship with my TiVo remains as enjoyably unhealthy as it is today.

10. "But I'm in love with [Bret, Ray J, that Bachelor dude, myself, etc.]!"/"This is my passion!"

You don't say?! Now, one of these statements (just guess) has a distinctive desperation about it considering the time frame and camera crew surrounding a contestant's new-found love. The other comment is slightly more commendable, but no less obvious. Like, uh, if you're on Rock of Love Bus shouldn't you be delusional enough to think you love Bret Michaels and bandanas and dirty, dirty hooker sex? Yeah, absolutely. If you're on America's Next Top Model, shouldn't you be pretty into showing off your ugly-pretty features and "smiling" till your eyes want to pop out and into Tyra's fivehead? Definitely. No need to say it, people.

9. Tie: Crying and "If you give me another chance, I'll prove myself."

Oh the crying. Andrae of Season 2 and Christopher of this season's Project Runway truly own the on-runway cry. Hands-in-face, sodden cheeks--neither could keep their shit together for too long. Problem is, after the first or second downpour, the audience is over it. Crying can often be coupled with the one statement that's truly the closest thing to begging on current reality TV. Seriously, "If you give me another chance?" What is this, a break-up? Might as well go with, "C'mon, I'll prove to you that I give a shit. I'll do better, I promise. Don't kick me out. Oh, God and Bruno Tonioli and Randy Jackson, please!" What's great about this one is that when someone says it, they realize they did so poorly, that the judges might actually be wondering if they'll put forth any effort the next week--um, despite the fact that their ability, future career or, in the case of Dancing With the Stars, flexibility, are being showcased on national freaking television.

​

8. "I hear you, but I stand behind my dish, photo, design, song, dance, etc."

Ah, yes. This one is often a kiss of death, because well, some contestant obviously stood behind whatever it is enough to present it, no? But now the plate of crap, pants that look like a diaper, modeling pose that makes Medusa look hot, romantic poem for the love of a title-skank, modern dance that could've been performed by toddlers, has been deemed atrocious by the judging panel, so to pretend to swallow that criticism whilst reminding anyone that they thought it was good enough for said panel is, well, just not advisable. And yet...

7. "I mean, this is a competition!"

I like to think of this DUH! as a summarization of the following: "Look, I don't know what the fuck you people think you're watching, but I just want to clarify that it's not about those two people who have the irritating sexual tension or the dude that just came out to his parents. It's about me being totally stressed out, sleep-deprived and freaking that I might not win all the money I'm going to need since I gave up my job AND benefits slinging double lattes at Bucky's just to be on this show. And you BEST be voting for me online or I am so gonna cut a bitch." The best delivery of this phrase comes from those classified as "divas"--my personal faves being anyone from RuPaul's Drag Race or pre-divas on ANTM.

6. "Well, I've made it this far."

Really? REALLY?! This statement never needs to be said during an interview, as part of a conversation with another contestant and certainly not to a judge or a romantic interest being paid to have a show wherein they are a romantic interest. And it especially should never be said in conjunction with "I deserve to be here." If a contestant does deserve to still be on the show, the audience is just going to find it irritating that they're basically saying, "Well, if I'm still here I must be awesome." And if they don't deserve it, we'll only hate them more. I lost count of how many times this was uttered or inferred on Make Me a Supermodel's two seasons.