Awkward Facebook confessions on Salon
Posted at 11:30 AM Nov 30, 2009
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Brodesser-Akner talks about counseling these former meanies on their love lives, cooing over their kids and clicking "like" on favorite pics. I might wonder WTF if Brodesser-Akner didn't admit to doing something very similar when her junior high self was ousted from the cool group in the first place:I check their updates and their statuses with eagerness each day. Like an addict, I am euphoric when I am practicing my addiction, remorseful and self-hating when I'm not. I am shocked at how easily I have forgiven these people. I am filled with the warm light of acceptance; I am wrapped in the cozy blanket of belonging. In my imagination, my old clique's renewed friendship tells me that they know they were wrong, that they were just being cruel.
I did not go quietly into that lonely and unpopular night. Each morning, I tried to assume a casual air of friendship. Big mistake. My efforts backfired, and my former friends' apathy toward me turned to hatred. Soon, I was not just ignored at school. I was tripped as I came out of the shower. People made flatulent noises when I sat down in class. My locker was magic-markered with the word "loser." We are tempted to remember this behavior and make light of it. Oh, it couldn't have been that bad, we said. But I remember it well. It was that bad.Brodesser-Akner doesn't seem to have changed--she still craves the attention and approval of the queen bees. But have the queen bees changed just because they're like-ing her status updates? Or are they still basking in the warm glow of popularity, peppered with a little grown-up tolerance for being willing to accept if from more than just a couple of cool kids? The author doesn't think so:
Whatever my intention was when I contacted my former friends, it's different now. I no longer want validation; I no longer am testing the waters to see if they now find me worth their time. These women are not who I thought they'd be. They're people having a hard time in the economy, people who are struggling through their days, their relationships.Certainly most people, even bullies, are not as two-dimensional as Gossip Girl plots would make them out to be. But the wounded, nerdy kid inside me--the girl who was mercilessly mocked by the cheerleaders for not wearing Danskin in ballet class, ugh--finds it hard to believe the cruel kids ever learned to be kind. And even if they did, a Facebook friendship with them is hardly proof either way.
It's so easy to click "like" and toss a comment or two someone's way; how much can we really read into these reconnections? And if you lose contact with someone after junior high or high school, then reconnect, will you ever really be able to see them through anything but teenage eyes?
Comments
What kept me going from middle school through high school was the knowledge that I would do better than those jerks. And I have to say, seeing all the slumped shoulders and broken spirits at my ten year reunion was the best candy ever.
It is petty, it is mean, but the picked-on kid I was back then enjoyed every minute of it.
And I can't wait until the next one!
Posted 11/30/2009 at 11:54:01 AMIf there were ever a time when I wished I could hit a 'like' button it would be now, in response to Paul's comment.
Posted 11/30/2009 at 04:35:36 PMI'd like to think that perhaps ten years would be enough for those people to change, and realize it. And that you're very petty for loving someone else's downfall. Grudge for ten years? A bit long, eh?
Posted 11/30/2009 at 05:27:03 PMThis post is really interesting because, as a former Catholic school girl whose high school had only 500 students, I've reconnected with most people from my 125-person class over Facebook. I felt like I was friends with all types of groups, so I really like that Facebook has allowed me to do this, but it's also weird when the really popular girls from high school now tell me how much prettier I am now and how much I've changed for the better (only looks-wise, of course). I don't know whether to thank them or not. I do think people mature and change after high school, but I also think that certain personality traits (extroversion, agreeableness) stay the same. So if someone in high school was a bully, chances are they're still a bully now, but in more subtle ways, and they would not be worth trying to forge a friendship with on Facebook.
Posted 12/01/2009 at 09:43:44 AMJon:
Did you happen to catch Michael Jordan's hall of fame entry speech?
Posted 12/01/2009 at 02:54:00 PMThe girl who said people don't change is wrong. Here is a perfect example: I went to school with this one particular douche bag 10 ys ago. Last month I started working with him. He is amazing. He's not a tool anymore!!! I was a big nerd, but I put the past behind me because I'm super cool now :)
Posted 12/02/2009 at 03:54:27 AMThis cat look so nice and cool one .The picture of this cat is very nice.Thank you for sharing this one with us.
Posted 01/04/2010 at 01:04:26 AM