Top 10 Crimes Committed Against Womanity by Nightclubs

Posted at 5:00 AM Oct 12, 2009

5. Themed cocktail servers

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Working as a server in a trendy nightclub can sometimes mean making a heftier paycheck than those of us in desk jobs. But oftentimes, in order to serve, you have to show off your midriff, wear super-low-cut jeans or strut around in heels while trying not to flash someone because of your short skirt. If I wanted to go to a strip club, I would have, thank you very much.

4. It takes freaking forever to score a cocktail

My bartender friends have admitted that they're more likely to take drink orders from men than from women because "women don't tip as much." As a server in a restaurant, I live by the "at-least-20-percent" rule, but it really irritates me when I'm ignored so that a guy can buy a round of beer for his buddies. Bartenders should always live by the first come, first serve policy. I'll still tip you 20 percent if I have to wait, but you won't be getting any flirtage.

3. Surgically enhanced advertising

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Just about every advertisement I see for nightclubs involves boobs and butts--all female, of course. That type of advertising isn't attractive to people who don't go to clubs for that sort of stuff, so why do promoters choose to exclude half their customers when they're creating ads? I'd rather see pictures of smiling groups of people looking like they're having a genuinely good time, or shots of the décor or pictures of live bands and DJs who might be there. Ads of scantily-clad models just aren't attractive.

2. Go-go dancers

Will someone explain to me why the go-go dancers at some of the clubs in Phoenix wear fur-trimmed knee-length boots in the summer? That's annoying enough, but if you go to a club with your significant other, chances are he'll be drooling at the go-go dancers and not grinding you. Also, if you're like me and prefer to go for a more literal type of dancing with moves such as the bus driver and the shopping cart, you'll just look like an idiot next to the hottie with the body on the platform.

1. Guy gropage

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As mentioned before, at nightclubs, for some reason some guys think it's OK to go up to strange women on the dance floor and put their hands on their lady parts--and nary a bouncer or security guard is to be found for defense. In my world, touching is preceded by a lot of dating and, oh, I don't know, someone asking my name first. Nightclubs are not where gentlemen ask your permission for a dance--they're where tools prey on ladies and, unfortunately, where sexual harassment is all-too-often accepted.