Posted at 5:00 AM Oct 05, 2009
By Kathleen Willcox
Most celebrities seem to be perpetually caught in an intricate web of rumor, scandal and calumny. But what if they themselves are the very spiders who weave the webs of their own doom? Standard-issue public humiliation is par for the course if you're famous (see: Kate Moss' coke den, everyone and their momma's sex tape, Hugh Grant's run-in with Divine Brown, Nipplegate, Britney Spears' head-shaving incident, Paris Hilton's entire existence, etc.) But the increasingly insidious TMI phenomena is completely different.
Instead of suffering the wrath of happenstance, irresponsibility and unwanted stalkerazzi attention, a certain TMI-prone breed of celebrity actively invites the paps into their bushes. So to speak. Below, a round-up 10 especially ugly/silly/irritating overshares in recent history. Realistically, this list could go on ... and on. List your top picks in the comments below!
Since her inauspicious debut on her Daddy Aaron Spelling's hit show 90210, Tori has been reamed in the press as being a hideous, anorexic, ditzy, talentless, bleach-blond who wouldn't be on anyone's radar if it weren't for her family connections. That kind of treatment would make most people slowly retreat to a cozy facility with lots of electric gadgets they like to attach to patients' heads and pretty "pep" pills that make everything shiny, but Tori just keeps coming back for more. She loves to air her dirty laundry, especially re: her terrible relationship with her backstabbing stage mothe. The most disgusting revelation yet: info on the status of her pubic hair when she was with child. That's right. Her book, Mommywood, goes into great detail about how hubby Dean McDermott, at her insistence, trimmed her hedges. To wit: "I'd say, 'Dean, how's it looking down there? Do I need to shave?' But of course I couldn't shave. So Dean had to shave me. He'd hold up a mirror and say, 'How'd I do?' Or he'd take a picture with his BlackBerry to show me." Want more? Pick up her book! I'm sure she'd appreciate it if someone bought it.
These days, Her Madgesty, while not exactly the modest, retiring type, is generally deliciously mum when it comes to details of her personal life. However, s has never been shy about giving her public bodily eyefuls. Her Sex book, a compendium of erotica shot by Steven Meisel, was, arguably, an actual piece of artwork, worthy of the very pricey paper it was printed on (critical pans aside). But her stint as a public masturbator on her wildly successful Blond Ambition tour was too hands on, even for me. Public acts of lewdness are so Peewee Herman--way below the Queen of Pop's pay grade. Want more? It was all documented on that little film of hers, Truth or Dare.
8. Tom Cruise
Like many celebrities, Cruise has built a seemingly impenetrable wall around the shizzle we really want on his life (is he really gay? Bringing his BFF on his honeymoon was a little strange). When it comes to crap we don't care about about, i.e. sharing his "true" feelings about partner Katie Holmes (no one over the age of 2 years will ever be able to blot the Oprah Couch Incident from their memory, no matter how many times they attempt to repress it with or without the help of professionals), the evil of antidepressants or Matt Lauer's inherent glibness, he's all too loquacious. But he finally took his hands off the wheel the other night on Jay Leno and loosened up his trademark Cruise Control for a good ol' fashioned overshare about what, precisely, it's like to know him, er, Scientologically. When Leno asked him if he was better at flying or sex, he quipped: "I try to excel in all areas and I've never been asked for a refund. [Sex with me] is like flying." Need more? Check out the clip from Leno.
Old people sex bothers me less and less the creakier I get and and the more open the media becomes to portraying geriatric sexuality in sensual, rather than "ohmigod you guys grandma's having sex" way. That said, I've had it with hearing about Sting and Trudie's exotic and unravishabe sexual appetite, including "swingers' parties, strip clubs and tantric sex sessions lasting several hours." Also, Sting? After 86ing the chit chat about yogasms, stop sucking your wife's toes in public, mkay? Unsurprisingly, daughter Coco Sumner is in deep denial. Need to know more? If you must ...
6. Penelope Trunk
You know what's both awesome and classy? Talking about riding the crimson tide in public. Even better: Twittering about how you had a miscarriage in the middle of a board meeting and got totally pumped 'cuz it meantcha didn't have to go and get an abortion and then getting up on your high (perhaps crack-smoking?) horse when the general public responds with a collective: "Um, ew?" Trunk--not exactly the world's biggest celeb, but a cultural figure nonetheless--did just that. I know. Totally weird. Need to know more? Check out her rambling rationalization on her blog!