Fine China: We're Still Pro-Choice But Why Are These Our Choices?

Posted at 8:45 AM Oct 16, 2009

By Kiala Kazebee

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We're midway through October, my friends, and the sexy, sexy internet is kicking things into high gear, psyching itself up to scare the pants off you by the time Halloween rolls around. On the serious, this week's lady sex internet news is like a plastic pumpkin of poisoned trick-or-treat candy. Or a sackful of rocks. Or a caramel apple with a razor blade hidden in the middle. Or a pillowcase containing 90 percent SweetTarts and one lonely, squished Snickers bar. My point being, it sucks balls. Boo.

  • HPV vaccination is not as important to Canadians as the Swine Flu shot. Will America follow suit? Blame Canada, indeed.
  • A survey from New York's Guttmacher Institute finds "more than half the worldwide [abortion related] deaths (38,000) occur in sub-Saharan Africa, which has the lowest rates of contraception and the highest rates of accidental pregnancies." Dear, Africa -I am getting very, very tired of your bullshit. Please stop killing women with your fear. Best, Kiala
  • Hormone therapy will probably give you the breast cancer. So we either give in to the aging process and all the crap that goes along with menopause or we get the Cancer. Sound familiar? As in, we either take the birth control pill and get the boob cancer or we use condoms (or what have you), choose not to have kids, and get the uterine cancer. Or we have kids, which to me, is no more preferable than cancer. These are my choices, America? Eff it. I'll just wait this shit out until the year 2023 when I can replace my lady parts with new ones from a privatized medical vending machine.
  • "Battlestar Babes." MAXIM MAGAZINE PLEASE STOP TAKING AWAY EVERYTHING I HOLD DEAR. Caprica Six and Boomer/Athena?  You are dead to me*. No resurrection ship for you. SO SAY WE ALL.
* "I would care about this, but I'm too busy having a boner" - actual quote from my actual husband. Sigh.


Comments

melissalion said:

I don't want to get old. So I think I'll take up the smoking. That works, right? Better than breast cancer?

What about heart disease?

Tatiana said:

Jesus, the "blame Canada' joke is stale. I'm Canadian and would like just once not to hear that tired old saying when people talk about Canada. Fuck South Park.

Wonka's Regards said:

Don't you DARE knock SweetTarts! I'd rather suck down a one of them from the bottom of my shoe after tap-dancing in the restroom of a retirement home than touch one of those nasty Snickers bars. Watch your damn tongue.

Kiala said:

But I said "blame Canada" ironically. That counts for something right? Eh?

Sorry.

Shannon said:

I completely agree with Wonka on this one. Sweet Tarts are much more awesome...than snickers. In fact i think i'll eat some right now from the 3 tubes of then sitting in the pen cup on my desk.

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