Posted at 8:47 AM Oct 02, 2009
By Kiala Kazebee
During my late teens and early 20's, I, like most normal college co-eds, would fantasize about a life as David Letterman's personal page/paramour. (IT'S NOT WEIRD, OKAY?) Turns out, my fantasies were not so far-fetched (and once again, NOT WEIRD). David Letterman admitted on his show last night to shtupping many of his female co-workers during his years at NBC. I had no idea, however, that Mr. Letterman was engaged in a committed relationship with Regina Lasko the majority of that time. As his fantasy page/paramour I would have smacked him in the face if he so much as looked at me funny. I got your back, lady.
Moving on to this week's sexy lady health news!
Tufts University enacted a new "No sex while roommate is present" policy which includes a "no sexiling" clause. For those of you who don't know "sexiling" is, it what happens when your roommate needs to do the sex and doesn't want you involved in the doing of it. As the sexilee, you must go elsewhere for that time period (insert 3-minute joke here) or, I guess, whine about it to the student council until they enact a stupid, unenforceable policy.
Smoking while pregnant makes psycho babies, according to a new report making the web med rounds. Something, something, something causes aggression and poor impulse control something something the crazies *scans article* OH THANK GOD SMOKING MARIJUANA IS STILL SAFE FOR THE PREGGOS. Whew.
A Swiss woman taking Yaz, the birth control pill for women who talk to their doctors while at a fancy night club sipping cocktails, died from the effects of pulmonary embolism. I don't know what to say about this other than I want my Brave New World fertility belt and I want it now people. My birth control options are not 21st century medicine ifthey can STILL KILL ME. Grumble.
Finally, crazy-eyed conservative Michele Bachmann took to the Congressional Floor this week to speak out against school based health clinics ("sex clinics" as she calls them) stating, "The bill goes on to say what's going to go on -- comprehensive primary health services, physicals, treatment of minor acute medical conditions, referrals to follow-up for specialty care--is that abortion?"
Why yes, Michele, it is abortion--if by "abortion" you mean "refer to a dermatologist" then yes, that is abortion. America's public school system in action, people. I mean, those cognitive leaps don't just make themselves, do they?