Posted at 10:50 AM Oct 16, 2009By Andrea Grimes
Today on CNN (via TheFrisky) some dude argues that dudes should buy ladies flowers. Dudes, do not buy me flowers!
There is, of course, the obvious floral drawback: flowers die, and quickly. Which is not to say that I necessarily want something that lasts a lifetime, but why don't you let me pick out the things I will not own tomorrow? If I wanted something that would last 24 hours, I'd fly down to Cancun and pick me up a pool boy with a limited grasp of English. Giving me flowers is like the Mitch Hedberg joke about flyers: "Here, you throw this away."
More than that, flowers do not say "I thought about you." They say "I thought about you, and then I thought of the most clichéd possible thing I can think of. I would like to give you this cliché as a symbol of the fact that I care minimally." Friend, if you care minimally, please do me the favor of doing nothing.
Finally, flowers are creepy. They feel funny. They attract bees. Why do you want me to get stung by a bee, Flower Boy?