Dudes of the world: Please don't buy me flowers

Posted at 10:50 AM Oct 16, 2009

By Andrea Grimes

bouquet1.jpg
Dear Dudes of the World,

Today on CNN (via TheFrisky) some dude argues that dudes should buy ladies flowers. Dudes, do not buy me flowers!

There is, of course, the obvious floral drawback: flowers die, and quickly. Which is not to say that I necessarily want something that lasts a lifetime, but why don't you let me pick out the things I will not own tomorrow? If I wanted something that would last 24 hours, I'd fly down to Cancun and pick me up a pool boy with a limited grasp of English. Giving me flowers is like the Mitch Hedberg joke about flyers: "Here, you throw this away."

More than that, flowers do not say "I thought about you." They say "I thought about you, and then I thought of the most clichéd possible thing I can think of. I would like to give you this cliché as a symbol of the fact that I care minimally." Friend, if you care minimally, please do me the favor of doing nothing.

Finally, flowers are creepy. They feel funny. They attract bees. Why do you want me to get stung by a bee, Flower Boy?

Thx,
Andrea

Comments

Susan said:

I love getting flowers. Why? Because I would love to be able to buy flowers for myself but I can't afford them. So if you want to spend your hard-earned man-dollars on me, Flower Boy, I will totally accept them.

Also, if you dry them, they often last longer than the relationship.

Esbat said:

Screw buying them, its best to nick them from various places from the neighborhood and then put them in a vase from a second hand shop. That way I never bought any damn flowers and I recycled a vase.

B said:

I really love Margaret Cho's take on this. It's from her notirious show (link below), she said (when being given flowers):

"I just think it's annoying when they bring flowers and you are like, I've got to find a vase now, great."

She didn't have an vases. She settled on putting them in a old Big Gulp. :D

Link (go to around the 40 second mark): http://www.youtube.com/user/vamripire#p/u/13/mBvsvEzU72Q

A. Nonnie Mouse said:

Dear Andrea,

I love you. Are you married?

A. Nonnie

AlexB said:

My guess is you're in the minority, Andrea. I don't think guys should be expected to give flowers on the flower-giving days like Valentine's, anniversaries, etc. But my guess is 90% of American women like it as a gift.

I feel lucky to be dating a girl who likes 'em but doesn't expect them.

I'm all for this, though. How about a more gender neutral gift for men and women? My vote's for booze.

John said:

I actually get incredibly sick of women being unappreciative of getting flowers, or anything for that matters.
Sure, on Valentines day or anniversaries it shouldn't be the only thing a guy hands you and still expect you to be thrilled. Some effort should be given in those unique cases.

But if a fella surprises you with flowers on ANY day of the year aside from those special occasions, how about acknowledging the fact that he cares about you enough to waste his money on something that WILL get thrown away relatively quickly.
I spent 120$ dollars on two dozen Roses for a girl once because she was sad and lonely on Valentines day once, knowing that it'd just give her a smile and she would never know how much it cost to brighten her day-- and she ended up keeping them for three years after drying them.


Maybe you just need to be a bit less selfish.

Chris said:

Your perspective on life sucks!

Flowers should last at least a week unless your dumping salt in the water. Many things fall into the cliche category (diamonds, wine, lingerie, poems) but any kind person will appreciate the effort.

Kelly said:

I've gotta agree with Andrea on this one.

Apart from all the reasons given above, I've never seen the point in being given a bunch of dead plants myself, I'd much rather have the money *shrugs*

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