10 YouTube Hair Tutorials That Make Me Ashamed To Be A Woman
Posted at 5:00 AM Oct 06, 2009
By Kiala Kazebee
Hair and beauty tutorials are not terribly offensive on their own. I like grooming as much as the next homosapien, and the society we live in has taught me to enjoy the pleasure of a messy up-do or a well-placed under-eye concealer. I'm not ashamed of these little meaningless joys. They're a nice escape, like Twitter or George R.R. Martin books. What I do find upsetting is the amount of time and energy so many girls are putting into making these instructional beauty videos. I'm torn between applauding their passion or shaking my fist at the sky because it isn't for animal rights or forensic science or something other than improving their appearance. I'm not down with girl-on-girl hate, but when I am made to feel embarrassed by my own gender, I will let loose my lady anger with a mighty and powerful "SHUT UP SHUT UP OH GOD SHUT UP!"
To illustrate my point, I Googled up some YouTube hair tutorials and chose 10 of the most obnoxious, vapid, and gender-stereotyping videos on the internet. See girls? Computer science is EASY.
10. Brushing On Beauty
If I hear Blair say "Go on ahead and" ONE MORE TIME I will personally drive down to that little pink room in the South and force those girls to attend a practical grammar class with me. Wait, why would I want to punish myself that way? Oh right. Because this video made me HATE MY OWN ESTROGEN.
9. Bumpits on the 10 O'Clock News
Bumpits freak my shit out and if they don't freak your shit out, you must either be an alien missing an alien shaped head or a former beauty queen-turned-local TV anchorwoman.
8. Bumpits Bumpits Epsilon
You would think ONE of this girl's sorority sisters would've told her the Bumpits are only going to look that much more ridiculous when she's doing the walk of shame at 7 a.m. past Fraternity Row. This is exactly why I don't trust sororities.
7. Audrina Partridge - A Creepy Tribute to her Side Ponytail
This Hanh person unnerves me with her vacant baby-voiced Midwestern accent and dead eyes. Actually, that is exactly why Audrina Partridge upsets me, so, maybe - success?
6. Emo Scene Hair For Young Cutters
Every single one of these videos is the same - horrible emo music, sped-up video, teased hair. LADIES. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO PRETEND TO LIKE WHAT YOUR BOYFRIEND LIKES. Emo is for dudes who are too lazy to learn about real music. There. I said it.
Comments
Ah, no need for shame... whenever I see this sort of thing I'm reminded of Cynthia Heimel's categorization of 'amateur girls' and 'professional girls'. If you cringe at this sort of thing (or laugh so hard that your boyfriend comes over to see what, exactly, you have become too inarticulate to describe), then you may well fall into the former category (know I do).
Posted 10/06/2009 at 08:09:41 AMDamn I just spent an hour peeping these.
Also - please remember that your dear Intern was in a sorority. And yeah - okay - I wore a Bump-It once at a dance. ONCE. OKAY!? My sisters LOVED me and wanted me to look PRETTY.
::weep::
Posted 10/06/2009 at 01:12:21 PMi hate people. Also, Reiberry should talk about serial killers or something bloody, or read the small print for drug commercials.
Posted 10/06/2009 at 01:23:44 PM"Emo is for dudes who are too lazy to learn about real music. There. I said it."
THANK YOU!
Posted 10/06/2009 at 01:49:54 PMI love you guys.
Posted 10/06/2009 at 01:59:00 PMWait, I love the Small Town Southern Hair Ladies on YouTube. The rest, I can't comment on. You know why I like the Southern Hair Ladies you refer to?
1. They are blissfully self-confident, grammar be damned. They are comfortable with who they are and what they are and where they live and how they talk. Girl Power Y'all!
2.They are savvy business owners, knowing that by having their own YouTube hair instruction videos they are creating brand recognition and leadership positioning for themselves through marketing and PR. Way cooler than Avon or Mary Kay, dontcha think?
3. You just know they run the sassiest and funnest salon in Podnunkville, Mississippi or wherever they are from. They are providing a community service to their community.
4. You also know they embrace all women, of all sizes, ages and looks and make them feel special and beautiful. They just seem so warm and genuine that way. Like if you came to them crying because Flo down at Hair-Dids Salon messed up your color, they would hand you a sweet-tea with bourbon and some tissues, and fix you right up without giving you poofy, overdid mall hair. I want to live in that world, for sure.
But yes, I do know what you mean by , "Go on Ahead, and" one more time. Blair, you can do better, baby!
Posted 10/06/2009 at 03:57:32 PMOh I knew I could count on you to be the reasonable voice of dissent, Lizzy.
I agree with you in principle but they still annoy the crap out of me.
That being said, I will watch every single video they put out because I can't look away.
Posted 10/06/2009 at 05:40:36 PMI think i'm going to have to 'go on ahead and' join you when you go drive down to that little pink room in the South and force those girls to attend a practical grammar class. Yes.
Posted 10/06/2009 at 07:36:16 PMi love this post. i want to try them all.
Posted 10/09/2009 at 07:15:02 PMHello from Russia!
Posted 10/22/2009 at 07:45:46 PMCan I quote a post in your blog with the link to you?
Hello from Russia!
Posted 10/22/2009 at 11:37:46 PMCan I quote a post in your blog with the link to you?