Top 10 Most Affective (And Therefore Effective) Emotion Pornos
Posted at 5:00 AM Sep 30, 2009
By Andrea Grimes
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Last night, I finally caught up on the Grey's Anatomy sixth season premiere. I'm not proud of it. But I started watching the show in college and it's too late to let go. I'm afraid to leave my loveless marriage with Derek Shepherd because of what it might do to the many, many hour-long babies we've made over the years. And yet, watching the premiere, I found myself bawling and blubbering even though I couldn't really remember who was in a relationship with who, why George joined the army or that Meredith and Derek had given their wedding to Izzie and Alex.
And it felt so good.
Melanoma! Melodrama! Overwrought medicalese cryface! It hit me: I keep watching Grey's Anatomy because it's emotion pornography. It's a quick hit--an in-and-out, if you will--of emotional manipulation that's over as soon as it begins, but keeps you coming again and again. I rounded up 10 of what I thought were the most affective (and therefore effective) emotion porns, submitted for your Kleenex-needing approval. Feel free to leave your own emoporn favorites in the comments!
10. Rudy
It's the universal appeal of this, one of the greatest sports films of all time, that makes it great emoporn. Men, women, children and the brain-dead alike will have their hearts broken by RUDY! RUDY! RUDY! RUDY! RUDY! RUDY! RUDY! RUDY! RUDY! RUDY! RUDY! RUDY! RUDY! RUDY! RUDY! RUDY! RUDY! RUDY! RUDY! RUDY! RUDY! RUDY! RUDY! RUDY! RUDY! RUDY! RUDY! RUDY! RUDY! RUDY! RUDY! RUDY! RUDY! RUDY! RUDY!
9. Intervention
Just like real porn shows people having the sex you're afraid to have, Intervention's emoporn shows people doing the drugs you're afraid to do ... precisely because if you did them, you'd end up in an episode of Intervention because you'd ruined your real life.
8. (tie) The Notebook and Titanic
I'm still holding fast to my last shred of dignity, so I haven't seen The Notebook. I have, however, seen Titanic upwards of 40 times (not kidding), so I'm not trying to act all superior or anything. But either of these films, combined with being a sexually frustrated teenaged girl who has completely bought into the romantic schlock being sold to her every damned day, is a recipe for emoporn.
7. Phil Collins
WHY DO YOU TAKE MY SOUL AWAY FROM ME PHIL COLLINS I WANT IT BACK
6. The Dallas Cowboys
Oh, sure. Every season is going to be THE season. Promises, promises, promises. New quarterbacks. New coaches. Same old inevitable disappointment, crammed into 3 beer commercial-filled hours every week.
Comments
11. Terms of Endearment (Who knew you'd turn out to be a Nice Guy?"
Posted 09/30/2009 at 10:16:37 AM12. Gone With the Wind - Ashley comes home from the war scene.
It's ridiculous how emotional I get over football. I tell myself it's just a game, and over-all, it's just there as a way to keep myself amused.
Yet...
I bought season tickets.
I talked myself into liking Brett Favre after he's been the face of the enemy for so long.
I patted Percy Harvin on his helmet after returning a kickoff.
I held my breath when Brett threw the ball with less then ten seconds left.
And when Greg Lewis caught it, I can only describe my reaction as a primal scream of victory.
This year. This year has GOT to be the year. Just win guys. Just win.
Posted 09/30/2009 at 12:03:49 PMUGH BEACHES YES UGH
Posted 09/30/2009 at 01:14:26 PMTwilight does nothing for me, and I'm really not the type of person who cries because of movies or tv shows or anything for that matter, but I cry at all of the emotional scenes on Supernatural. Sam and Dean just rule my soul.
Posted 09/30/2009 at 02:41:46 PMKing Kong gets me every time.
Posted 10/01/2009 at 11:13:43 AMA ROOM WITH A VIEW.
Just sayin'.
Posted 10/01/2009 at 08:10:04 PMRudy DOES make me weep. How triumphant!!
Posted 10/06/2009 at 10:34:11 AMJust thinking about Rudy tears me up.
I also read a sizable amount of fanfic, slashfic, etc, and sometimes (to my horror, shame, and eventual resignation), that gets me more emo'd up than serious literature.
Posted 10/10/2009 at 11:44:23 AM