Top 10 Euphemisms For Having Sex

Posted at 5:00 AM Sep 14, 2009

By Merritt Martin

​Penis in vagina. Sexual intercourse. There are so many ways to say it. Hell, there are so many ways to do it. And, honestly, it doesn't even have to involve a penis or a vagina, so I'm going to throw in a few variations and universally applying phrases in this here list of favorite ways to talk about doing the deed.

Necessary side note: Yeah, sure, while "fucking" is as good a term as any, it's not necessarily a "euphemism" so I'm leaving it off the list, but giving it its own winner's trophy just for existing. Because fucking is awesome.

10. Pickle tickle

There's something simultaneously innocent, funny and disturbing about this phrase. Penises and dildos totally resemble pickles, so it's pretty damn appropriate, as well. I was introduced to the ol' "pickle tickle" thanks to A League of Their Own...which thematically kinda made me consider "rounding the bases" for this list as well.

9. Knocking boots

I didn't only include this just because of the song by Candyman (which is totally memorable and so bad it's awesome), but because of the imagery that comes with it. One way, you could assume that two people wanted to get to business so quickly they left their "boots" on. Said boots knock together. Or, perhaps it's a camping situation and well, it's best to leave shoes on should a wild creature happing upon the boot knocking. I'd love to find out it was a term for Brokeback Mountain type relationships long before the story/movie came out, but I'm thinking that's not the case. With so many possibilities, knocking boots earns its place.

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8. Laying pipe

I think of this one in sort of a construction work way. It's less offensive than "gittin' her done" or "back breaking work," but it expresses the need to maintain the plumbing. And frankly, it's important to have a phrase for sex that is a little utilitarian, because sometimes sex is. Occasionally, sex is a bit of work that makes everything (moods, communication, spirit, libido) run so much better afterward.

7. Making whoopee

A true decades-old classic. This phrase, used widely in jazzy renditions of the eponymous song, earns extra points for being the way around television censors when contestants on The Newlywed Game needed to talk about sex. Thankfully, the phrase has nothing to do with Whoopee Goldberg, because we really just can't think about her having any form of sex even though she discusses it at length on The View.

6. Hot beef injection

I was reminded of this little gem while watching Michael & Michael Have Issues. There was explanation of the acronym HBI and who in the Michaels' office truly needed one. It's often used to explain what was or should be given as opposed what was received or is desired, due to its immodest, ego-boosting air. Also made famous by Judd Nelson's smarmy Bender in The Breakfast Club, so major recognition there.