Stop falling in love with Michael Cera

Posted at 10:30 AM Aug 07, 2009

By Andrea Grimes

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Michael Cera is no heartthrob. He's not even a nerdy heartthrob. He's a whiny, self-involved creep and it's about damned time the hipster girls of the world stopped falling in love with him. I've been trying to understand the attraction while at the same time formulating why everything that seems awesome about him is, in reality, completely creepy. AMIRITE, LADIES!?

Here are a few starter points:

Appealing: Michael Cera's boyish, unassuming charm
Unappealing: Michael Cera's boyish, unassuming charm means that he can say totally creepy things and get away with it because, hey, he's just Michael Cera being charming, and, oh, yeah, he'll find out where you live, but he's so boyish and unassuming, when he sneaks into your bedroom at night and stabs you in your ladyface, you'll be like, 'Michael Cera, you are so boyish and unassuming when you murder me!'

Example: Paper Heart trailer



Appealing: It's so cute when he acts prissy and hateful!
Unappealing: It's also so cute when he acts endearing and charming, and he's equally good at both. Will it be cute when he goes alternately batshit and adorable throughout your relationship because he can't decide if he wants to play-fight or play-make-you-a-weepy-mixtape-and-cry-on-your-duvet-cover?

Example: this Knocked Up outtake



More hate after the cut.

Appealing: Michael Cera just wants to sing nice songs with you on your stoop.
Unappealing: BARFS.

Example: this shit.

Comments

Brittan said:

I am so with you on this. Paper Heart was the last straw for me. I saw the original cut, not what's in theaters now. I know how it really ends and how big of a dick he is. I don't care if it's mostly fiction, I know his type. Michael Cera, you are no longer cute.

uhhh... said:

you do know that the knocked-up outtake there is a spoof that first appeared at funnyordie.com, right?
he's being all jerky cuz it's playing against type, and therefore, a joke.

Susan said:

Sorry, I was too busy wondering why everyone like Ellen Page so damn much to even get mad about Michael Cera.

Plus being in AD gets you a pass for a long time. A LOOOONG time. Long time.

Amelia said:

I will give him one last chance, and that chance is Zombieland.

AVoitek said:

He's not in Zombieland. I believe you're confusing Cera with Jesse Eisenberg.
And most of Cera's outtakes regarding his behavior is 100% staged and played for laughs (see "Everyone Hates Michael Cera" from the Superbad bonus features). He excels at playing the awkward guy that makes everyone else uncomfortable - it's how they market him.

kris said:

I get that it's all staged, and that he markets the awkward guy routine, but I'm sick of knowing exactly what every character he plays is going to act like and say. He's been typecast, and I'm tired of the character already. He was moderately amusing and creepy on Arrested Development, but it hasn't improved with time.

I seriously just want him to do one movie in a different role so I can see if he can actually act or not.

AVoitek said:

If he doesn't eventually show some character range, he'll fizzle out in a few years (or sooner).

Mjx said:

So... wait: you're saying that wankers are not hot? Noted. But only by 'bitches'. Like me.

But let's face it, there are always heaps of women who are routinely (in some cases, exclusively) attracted to what were described in movies from the 50s and earlier as 'heels'. And these women (who, alas, are frequently incredibly nice people) will continue to find charm in whatever jerk happens to be around, and said jerks will take full advantage of these lasses, since they know not to mess with 'bitches' (i.e. those who fail to see charm in unstable, immature, whiny manipulation). Depressing.

Calvin said:

Kris, I totally agree. It is one character that was fun, but in a "creepy" way, in one series. If that is all this guy can do, then let's drop it.

Mjx, I don't see what the 'heel' has to do with Cera. He is the creepy, awkward nice-guy who is a little too self-involved for being so self-unaware. I don't think he falls into the heel category.

Mjx said:

Calvin, my impression that he belongs in the 'heel' category, is due to my seriously doubting that the guy IS unaware of what he is doing, regardless of how it may appear. Not a nice guy at all.
I know plenty of awkward guys who may come off as occasionally creepy (even had lengthy relationships with a couple) because their social skills lack a certain polish, but with a bit of experience, it is easy to tell the contrivedly self-unaware from the real thing (e.g. the genuine article tends to make efforts to evolve).

David said:

Is Michael Cera the new Jeff Goldblum?

Vanessa said:

The Knocked Up tape is totally fake.
It was made up.
Apatow's directing Cera's next movie.
That is nonsense, although, I could agree on some of your points. Still, I think he's pretty badass.

toomin said:

Uh yeah, poor move not fact checking the Knocked Up outtake you post, Andrea.

Agreed that Michael Cera can and will for the rest of his career only play one character, but that doesn't make him a shitpile. Lots of actors only play one type--Cera's just happens to be the boyishly awkward, unassuming, and sometimes, creepy. In Arrested Development he's all of those. In Superbad and Juno (both good movies) he's only the first two, and in Paper Hearts (which was a lame movie, but not for Cera's involvement) he's playing a version of himself as that type of character. In Year One he's just annoying, because he's overplayed.

@Susan: "Everyone" likes Ellen Page because she's actually a good actress. And she's cute.

Pete said:

I think personally the guy is very unassuming yet it makes asses out of you and I when that pussy is put on the pedestal. For when we're not subplanting our womanly wont to the raising of pets dost we thou turneth to keep a young boy to thine bosom? As like a puppy? Dost thou deemest this puppy to biteth thee? Nay! Forsooth, it is thine own longing which biteth in the small hours of the twilight! Blah! Moldy apples says I!

Pete said:

I think personally the guy is very unassuming yet it makes asses out of you and I when that pussy is put on the pedestal. For when we're not subplanting our womanly wont to the raising of pets dost we thou turneth to keep a young boy to thine bosom? As like a puppy? Dost thou deemest this puppy to biteth thee? Nay! Forsooth, it is thine own longing which biteth in the small hours of the twilight! Blah! Moldy apples says I!

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