Sad Bastard of the Week: will he "outgrow" sexually abusing you?
Posted at 12:04 PM Aug 25, 2009
By Andrea Grimes
 |
I knew as soon as I read today's Annie's Mailbox that I had a sad bastard of the week on my hands. I also, sadly, had a shining example of rape culture on my hands. See, I just can't get behind calling unwanted sexual contact anything but what it is: abuse. Assault. Even if your assface husband does it. "Kansas Bride" writes into the Annie's Mailbox ladies:
My husband likes to discreetly touch my breasts in public. Tonight, as we paid for our meal at a cafe, he rubbed my breast with his elbow. I shot him a disgusted look and he grinned.So, your husband gets off on making you feel uncomfortable sexually, in public, and tells you you're overreacting when you ask him to stop. Let's call a spade a spade, shall we, Annie's Mailbox? Nah. Let's just pretend there's nothing wrong! That's a great way to stop sexual harassment:
When we got in the car, I told him his behavior is disrespectful and makes me uncomfortable. He says I am overreacting. How do I stop this?
Your husband is a case of arrested development. Touching you intimately is his way of saying you belong to him, and he gets a kick out of your embarrassed reaction. He should outgrow it in time, but meanwhile, ignoring it completely is the best way to put a damper on his juvenile hi-jinks."Arrested development"? Sounds as if her husband is developing a case for getting arrested, more like. I wouldn't be holding my breath for this possessive, callous freakshow to "outgrow" his sexual humiliation fondness any time soon. There may be plenty juvenile about silly sexual behavior, but immaturity does not excuse or explain humiliating your wife in public and grinning about it. Pretending like it's okay to ignore unwanted sexual contact--from anyone, husbands included--contributes to the mainstreaming of sexual assault in general. At the very least, this guy sounds like he's riding a one-way train to abuserville.
Comments
Solution: Whenever he swipes her boob in public, she should blatantly pat his package from outside his pants and smile big as she does it.
Honestly, this works wonders. I had a bf who would grab my ass in public and I got so sick of it that I started publicly embarrassing him as well (see above). It only took a couple weeks for him to learn his lesson. We broke up, but eh...
Posted 08/25/2009 at 12:43:08 PMsee, any dude ive met would love to have his package patted in public. i'd suggest a punishment as equal to how childish he's being. slap the back of his hand every time and go "NO! BAD!" and shake your finger. loud enough for surrounding people to hear. turnabout is fair play, and personally, id love to embarrass and asshole like that. but im mean....
Posted 08/25/2009 at 03:31:58 PMDuly noted. I will now consider myself on your list of potential sexual abusers because I, too, have been playful in response to the hormonal urges I feel towards my wife. Particularly when we were newlyweds, as I sort of expect Kansas Bride is. I, too, have been smacked down for it. I learned my lesson but we don't know whether future-rapist-x does because that's not included in the letter to Annie.
I think you're absolutely correct, however, in judging him right now to be a rapist. After all, a guy who "discreetly" displays his attraction to the woman he married in a hands-on way is exactly the same as a guy who doesn't let his wife out of the house without a beating.
As one more passenger on that one-way train to abuserville, I'll make sure to give you a wide berth and, on your behalf, I'll offer my wife the opportunity to divorce me for all the horrible horrible things I've done to her over the years.
Posted 08/26/2009 at 10:25:30 AMWell. This one should be easy, nyet? Next time he rubs her breast with his elbow, she should 'playfully' bounce her knee into his groin. And grin, of course. Makes sense to me...
Posted 09/15/2009 at 07:47:08 AM