10 Tweets My Tits Would Twitter
Posted at 5:00 AM Aug 26, 2009
By Andrea Grimes
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A few months ago, my vagina signed up for a Twitter account. Not too long afterward, my tits started moaning about it, asking, "Why does Vaj get to have all the fun?" I told my tits to calm down, assuring them that one Tweeting body part was more than enough for one lady, but they wouldn't hear of it. After all, who can really deny a boob--especially two?
And so, if my tits had a Twitter--a Titter, if you will--these are 10 things they might Tweet.
10. @vagina No offense, but we hope we never meet you face-to-face, either.
9. Hey, Victoria. Here's a "secret." Shove this heinous underwire up your prissy little butthole.
7. WE KNOW RITE!! RT @tummy corsets can eat one. I can't breathe in this thing! #nevergoingtoanotherrenfaireidontcarewhatmypersonsays
6. Where the hell did that hair come from? TWEEZERS PLZ STAT.
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4. @rightbreast no way, YOU'RE biggest!
3. We are real, and we are fabulous.
2. We never authorized anyone to give us for "tat." Who says tit is a form of currency, anyway?
1. @boyfriendspenis you are so dramatic. always trying to come between us.
Comments
Oh god. #1 made me spit out my coffee....
Posted 08/26/2009 at 10:30:28 AMthat was the funniest thing I have read today! thank you
Posted 08/26/2009 at 11:53:56 AMYes, #1 for the win.
Posted 08/26/2009 at 05:48:14 PMHow do I Twitter my Flickr photos?
Posted 09/09/2009 at 11:01:27 AM