Why Bubbles should raise MJ's kids

Posted at 7:30 AM Jul 03, 2009

By Andrea Grimes

When Michael Jackson doesn't want you around his kids, you know it's time to take a long, hard look at yourself. This apparently is how MJ felt about Debbie Rowe, his babies-mama, opting to name his own mother (who is still, presumably, living on the same planet as MJ's abusive father, Joe) and Diana Ross as guardians for his kids over Rowe.

Rowe, who relinquished custody of the kids nearly 10 years ago when she and Michael divorced, is now kind of sort of hinting that she maybe would like to possibly, in some ways, have custody of the kids. All in all, notes DListed, between Joe Jackson having a second go-round at parenting, the media circus that would be living with Diana Ross and moving in with a lady they haven't seen much of for 10 years who their father was actively trying to keep 'em away from, living with Bubbles the chimp might be the best custody sitch for these little ones.

I agree totally. Here are a few reasons why Bubbles should raise Michael Jackson's kids:


- Bubbles lives in Florida

As I understand it, Florida is populated with a lot of old folks, many of whom probably feel like their own children don't come to visit enough. If Prince, Paris and Blanket go live in the Sunshine State, they'll have all manner of foster grandparents around to give them love and hugs. Plus, if you get dangled off the balcony of an old folks home, you probably don't have far to fall.

- Bubbles was abandoned by Michael

MJ gave Bubbles up to a Florida animal sanctuary some time in the 90's and never went back to visit him, which means Bubbles only remembers awesome moonwalking Michael, not half-face-pedo Michael. It'll be nice to have some old-school stories with which to balance the kids' present memories of their father.

- Bubbles' chimp friends will have no idea that "Blanket" isn't a common name

In fact, it's likely that Bubbles' chimp friends know very little about the children's provenance, which means they'll get to grow up among those who won't treat them like freaks or bank accounts. The kids may, however, get the occasional poo thrown at them.

- Bubbles is close to, but not quite, human

Just like Michael.

(Because of his outta this world dance moves, AMIRITE?)