Why didn't he call you back?

Posted at 7:30 AM Jun 18, 2009

By Andrea Grimes

I'm too tired to fight the patriarchy this morning, so I'll fight stupid advice instead. Today on YourTango, a fine example of how women are made to feel so bad about themselves when a date doesn't end in marriage and a baby and ZOMGFOREVERZ. The video feature is called "The Number One Reason Why He Didn't Call You Back."

Finding out this "number one reason" allows you to fix what's wrong with you, yourself, so that you, the problem can get a man, which is what you need.

In case you don't have the time, the energy, or a nearby barfbag, I'll spoil the ending: YourTango's "dating expert" interviewed like a million dudes and found that the reason he didn't call you back is because you fit the personality profile of a "Boss Lady." That means you're smart, beautiful, funny and winning--but "he'd rather hire you than date you."  (Because, of course, men do the hiring 'round here.) An example of one of the awful things "Boss Ladies" do is make jokes about how the dude doesn't like curry.

If a guy's so thin-skinned he can't take a joke about curry, are we honestly saying it's his date who's got the problem? Not only that, but it reinforces a particularly insidious male stereotype, which is that men are looking for mousy housewives. Some of them are. And some of them aren't. Sounds like these people the "dating expert" interviewed just had dates with incompatible people. It happens. A whole freaking lot.

Not getting called back may suck, you may really have liked the guy. But changing your personality and behavior to snag the dude will--if it succeeds--leave you playing a role in this relationship other than "yourself." How happy's that likely to make anyone in the long run?

The YourTango advice series goes on to address four more quandaries with regard to getting him to "call you back." I've solved them here for you ...
... so you don't have to actually join the site to read them (that's right, they want you to sign up for this great advice.) I don't know or really care what the actual YourTango advice is, but I'm pretty sure it's not as awesome as mine:

  1. Three More Reasons He Didn't Call You Back - He didn't like your shoes, he's not looking for a serious relationship, you smell like a catbox. Who fucking cares? He didn't call you back, and you wanted him to call you back. Too bad, but that's dating. Move on.
  2. How To Get Him To Call You Back - How about: Have one of those incredibly rare connections wherein both people on a date have a really great time, are both totally looking for a relationship and are emotionally stable. Other than that, I guess, you could give him the blowjob of a lifetime.
  3. The Most Outrageous Reasons He Didn't Call You Back - Again, who fucking cares? If he has an "outrageous" reason for not calling you back, then it's probably a fluke and not worth worrying over, anyway. Take home lesson: it's not your fault, quit reading dating advice and get your ass to the library or a bar or work or something fun.
  4. Why He Didn't Call You Back, Live! Edition - Lady, he didn't call you back because you're going on a live Internet advice show trying to find out why that one guy from like four years ago didn't call you back after that one mediocre date. Mystery solved.


Erin said:

Amen! I'm sick of being viewed as defective b/c I'm young. hot, and single. For Christ-sakes I'm 24! When did this become the age of old maids?

Michael H. said:

Wow, that was incredibly terrible. "If someone can't deal with how you talk or dress, change it! Actually, change it before you even meet the person, so they're not scared away."

Sheesh. The way to find a good relationship is to pretend to be someone else?

amrygma said:

If he doesn't call you back, it's because you didn't interest him. And if you can't suck it up and give him a call, then you're not that interested in him either.

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